Hell Yeah, Joe Biden Is Out Here Doing Burnouts In A Corvette

10.20.16 1 month ago 4 Comments

A few things:

1) This is a preview clip from the upcoming season of Jay Leno’s Garage. It features Vice President Joe Biden driving around with Leno in his personal 1967 Corvette Stingray, a car he loves but has only been able to drive three times in the last seven-plus years, because vice presidents are not allowed to drive themselves around while in office.

2) Skip over the beginning of the clip, all the way up to about the 2:20 mark, because that is when, I swear to God, and this is almost so obvious that it wouldn’t be worth mentioning if it weren’t so perfect that I kissed my fingertips like an Italian chef from a cartoon when I saw it happen, Joe Biden starts the Corvette and promptly does a burnout.

3) This is the face Joe Biden made in the split-second before doing the burnout.

CNBC

4) Things Joe Biden says out loud during this preview clip:

  • “I shouldn’t say this on television… I like speed.”
  • “I’ve buried this, when I was younger.” “So you’ve had this to 160mph?” “Yeah.”
  • “It was great having a dad at a dealership, because every prom, man, you had a brand new car.”
  • [On making out at drive-in movies] “The girls I dated were those Catholic schoolgirls. Their mothers wouldn’t let them go.”

Point being: Picture a teenage Joe Biden in Aviators and a leather jacket, just tearing ass around Scranton in a convertible, sending the hearts and plaid skirts of the local Catholic schoolgirls a-flutter as he sped past them at speeds north of 150 mph, much to the chagrin of the girls’ Rosary-clutching mothers.

5) Joe Biden is exactly who you think he is. Like, go back in time, to a few minutes before you watched this clip, and ask your previous self this question: “Hey, do you think Joe Biden owns a 1967 Corvette Stringray that he loves to do burnouts in and then take out on the town while telling stories about speeding and making out?” You definitely would have said yes, right? Of course you would have. Because everything you have ever believed about Joe Biden is 100 percent true.

Joe Biden has been in at least a dozen drag races. I’d bet my life on it.

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