To put it simply, Lana Kane (Aisha Tyler) is everything Sterling Archer (H. Jon Benjamin) isn’t. She is methodical where he is impulsive, she is tactical while he is careless, and most importantly, she is keenly aware while he is oblivious. As a result, for seven seasons on FX’s Archer, Lana has been forced to put Archer in his place, time and again. While you’d imagine most people getting worn down to nothing over time, Lana does it with continued gusto, never losing her edge on him, even as their relationship has grown increasingly complicated in the show’s later seasons. So, for all the times when someone in your life needs to be put in their place, let these Lana quotes be your guide.
“This isn’t, whatever, the Sheriff’s department where you get wear a windbreaker and go on a ride-along. This is highly classified covert ops.”
Starting things off with a non-Archer moment, back when ISIS was still ISIS, they were consulted by famous movie star Rona Thorne so she could do research for an upcoming movie role. Of course, Lana rejects the idea immediately, dropping her trademark “NOPE!”, a word that Rona is clearly not used to hearing. The moment is pure Lana, and perfectly demonstrates how to put, and keep, certain people in their place.
“Then I wouldn’t have had to watch you pound twenty drinks and then try to talk the stewardess into a hand job.”
After Archer and Lana became parents together, Archer begins to worry about things and speculates to Lana about his hypothetical death by plane crash. Instead of feigning interest in him playing worst-case scenarios, Lana seems to gleefully celebrate the idea. It certainly gets her point across, even if Archer questions her method of tallying his drink total. It also goes to show that it’s perfectly fine to circumvent serious conversations with a well-timed snarky remark.
“Why are your plans always so complicated? You’re like Wile E. Coyote with access to predator drones.”
While working for the CIA, Archer and company had to get used to the ‘need to know’ basis that Agent Slater (Christian Slater) operated by. While on a mission, Lana freely vents her frustration via wristwatch radio, reducing Slater’s carefully orchestrated plan to the workings of a cartoon coyote who was prone to blowing himself up. Sometimes you gotta put someone in their place despite the fact that they’re in charge, though you’ll definitely want to think carefully about it beforehand.
“Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, everywhen is about the paragon of adequacy that is your dick.”
When Lana was trying to make a point about the value of trust to Archer, she does so while destroying a priceless painting in an effort to drive her point home. Archer, of course, doesn’t quite pick up on this right away and totally misreads the situation. Still, Lana comes back swinging, clearly having come to expect that level of obliviousness from him over the years. Some people in your life will need to be put in their place more often than others, and for them, it pays to have a line like this handy.
“Aww, what a scary new feeling for you.”
No one is capable of being ruthlessly condescending quite like Lana, and as Archer actually admits that he’d made a mistake, she bypasses any sort of comfort or congratulations in favor of really savoring the moment. Keeping people in line doesn’t have to mean a scathing insult — sometimes it can be words of mocking comfort that are overflowing with sarcasm.
“Right about here is the part where I hold you responsible.”
Lana is the queen of dropping a line like this to mock Archer’s failed endeavors, particularly in their post-ISIS days. While it never really seems to do much good, it has to feel good saying them. Also, putting someone in their place can be its own reward.
“Screw you, Mr. My-mother’s-a-lying-b*tch-and-I’m-too-stupid-to-realize-my-life’s-a-pathetic-joke! ”
There’s stressful, and then there’s finding out your spy agency has been operating illegally for years and you’re being interrogated by the FBI stressful. While the Feds try and shake down Archer in hopes that he’ll admit to being “the brains behind ISIS,” Lana’s quick to scoff at the idea before the two of them start choking one another. Of course, them being (former) spies, it was all an elaborate ruse to aid in their escape, but while Archer actually came through with an apology, Lana did not return the favor. Keeping someone in line isn’t always about your words, but rather, your actions.
