In this weekly addendum to our People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story recaps, we’ll be keeping track of how many times David Schwimmer — in character as Robert Kardashian — calls O.J. Simpson “Juice,” and charting his progress to see if he can reach 100 total Juices by the end of the season. Yes, this is our job. Yes, we went to college.
Hoo boy, things looked bleak this week. After setting a nine-Juice-per-episode pace through the first three episodes, we found ourselves Juiceless through the first 45 minutes. Panic was setting in. Could the Quest for 100 Juices even survive a goose egg? Would we have to give up hope only one week after embarking? And why in the name of fame-crazed reality star offspring was he calling him “O.J.” a few times there? Killing me, Ross. Killing me.
But then, like a gambler who finds himself down big and starts frantically doubling his bets to get back to even, Schwimmer came charging back. First when he was meeting with O.J. in jail:
“Juice… Juice, this is your life.”
Then in the meeting at Cochran’s, with O.J. on the phone:
“Juice… Juice, I think you need to be more clear.”
“Please, Juice… Juice, we need an answer.”
Schwimmer, you sandbagging so-and-so, you Double Juiced us! Three times! All in the last 15 minutes! I could kiss you on the mouth! The quest lives on!
The updated stats, adding in the three Double Juices and one standalone from this episode, now look like this:
Juices in this episode: 7
Total Juice count: 34
Current rate of Juices per episode: 8.5
Total Juices needed to reach 100: 66
Rate of Juices per remaining episode needed to reach 100: 11
Yes, we took a bit of a hit here. Another seven — the third episode out of the first four with a total of seven — ticked up our required per episode average over half a Juice going forward. Not ideal. But the introduction of the Double Juice is a game changer here. Using it, Schwimmer ripped off seven Juices in the last 15 minutes. That’s a 28 Juice per 60 minute average. He can’t maintain that pace for an entire episode (or can he?), but that’s not the point. The point is that we just picked up a valuable new tool in our journey toward 100 Juices. The goal is still in sight.
We march on.