Someone Wrote A ‘Seinfeld’ 9/11 Spec Script That’s Super Dark And Super Good

Senior Pop Culture Editor
08.04.16 12 Comments
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Seinfeld went off the air on May 14, 1998. If only Jerry Seinfeld had accepted NBC’s wealthy offer to extend the sitcom for another season, and at least three more after that. Then we would have gotten a 9/11 episode. Friends dealt with the tragic events of September 11, 2001, with a screen reading, “Dedicated to the People of New York City.” The Twin Towers were removed from the opening credits of The Sopranos. And on Sex and the City, Carrie suggested spending “some much-needed money” in downtown Manhattan.

But nothing from Seinfeld, for obvious reasons. (Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, on the other hand…) Comedian Billy Domineau was curious what a 9/11 episode from the Show About Nothing would look like, though, so he wrote one, and it’s insane. It begins with one of Jerry’s comedy club bits:

You think they ever get backed up at the gates of Heaven? Too many people die at once, it just overwhelms the system? It’s gotta be like the DMV on a Friday. “Everyone take a number, you’ll be judged in the order you slipped the surly bonds of Earth.” God’s angry at St. Peter. “What’s going on? Keep the line moving!” “I’ve got three angels on vacation – what do you want?!” All these poor souls just standing around, reading old magazines. “This is taking an eternity. I could’ve been in Hell by now!” (Via)

…and what’s the deal with September 11th? “I was helping someone write a sketch a few months back,” Domineau, a freelance contributor for SNL‘s Weekend Update, revealed to the Comic’s Comic, “and told them theirs needed to be an exercise in bad taste. Like imagine if there was a 9/11 episode of Seinfeld… wait a minute.” You can read the script below, or on Google Drive.

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