Discovery Channel debuted a new Shark Week commercial last night during its big “Will This Bro Die On Live TV?” Grand Canyon tightrope show. The spot is set-up as a fake news report about an adorable seal named Snuffy who is about to be returned to the sea after washing up on shore and being nursed back to health. I won’t spoil the ending for you, although you can probably guess where this is all heading (unlike viewers who were watching the commercial on live TV), but I will say that this sh*t is dark as hell.
And you know what? GOOD. Sharks are terrifying, soulless predators who should be avoided at all costs. But still, some people — like this lady — insist on treating them like some sort of magical misunderstood creature. No. Stop that. Stop it right now. All it’s doing is giving more people a false sense of security about venturing into the ocean. That’s why this commercial is important. It’s doing a public service by reminding us that sharks are evil monsters who constantly patrol the open sea looking for soft, plump abdomens to tear open with their razor-sharp teeth, and even being cute as a button won’t save you.
You’re our only hope, Captain Taco.