I’m a little worried about the T-Mobile Girl, you guys.
After almost two years of wearing cute pink dresses and sunnily shilling for the phone carrier, T-Mobile Girl Carly Foulkes is now being featured in a new spot titled “Alter Ego” where she trades all that in for a black and pink leather outfit and a motorcycle. Now, maybe this is just a rebellious streak or some sort of phase, but I think we need to take this seriously.
Do you think she started running with a bad crowd? Or maybe one of those older men she appeared with in the other commercials? I never trusted them, always looking at her the way a wolf looks at an unlocked chicken coop. IF ONE OF THOSE GOONS LAID A HAND ON HER, I SWEAR I’LL KILL HIM. DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN. SHE BETTER NOT COME BACK HERE PREGNANT. NOT IN MY HOUSE.
I’m sorry, I’ll settle down. It’s just a little upsetting seeing our sweet little T-Mobile Girl running around like acting like this, riding a motorcycle like some street hoodlum. You don’t think … no, it couldn’t be … … is it drugs? I mean, it’s been a little while since I took a high school health class, but if I remember correctly, abrupt changes in attitude and wardrobe are pretty big red flags. Oh God, it’s probably drugs. I bet she’s out there shooting goofballs between her toes and snorting cocaine off some immigrant’s penis. SHE’S THROWING HER FUTURE AWAY. WHAT ABOUT HER SCHOLARSHIP TO CORNELL?! SHE WAS GOING TO BE A VETERINARIAN, DAMMIT.
That’s it. I’m calling her guidance counselor.