The Ten Douchiest Moments in ‘Entourage’ History

Should Be Looked at: Sloan. Can't Stop Staring at: Turtle's sweater vest.

Google “entourage douchebag” and a link from Warming Glow appears third on the search list. That is unacceptable: this should be the foremost website for pointing out the douchebaggery on TV’s douchiest show, “Entourage,” which premieres for its eighth and final season this Sunday on HBO.

With that in mind, and with the wonderful thought of the show finally being off the air after seven years and approximately five clever jokes, here are the 10 biggest douchebag moments from “Entourage.”

10. Mark Wahlberg’s Ego.

Unsurprisingly, “Entourage” is based on a douchey concept. According to executive producer Mark Wahlberg, “My assistant wanted to film my friends around me, because he just thought it was hilarious.” AREN’T MY FRIENDS AND I JUST THE LIVING END? I’ve always thought of “Entourage” as the most taunting show in TV history. Shallow Hollywood jagoffs can get all the free booze, drugs, and booty they want, simply because they’re either good looking or once starred in the 1988 remake of The Blob, while the rest of us Joe and Jill Student Loans have to pay for bad beer and even worse sex. “Entourage” shows us what we’re missing, and rubs our faces in their asses that have never felt the horrific touch of $.69 toilet paper. And Wahlberg’s quote does nothing to disprove this.

9. The Seth Rogen Controversy.

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Why mess with Seth Rogen? He’s supposedly one of the nicest, most normal guys in Hollywood, and his TV show and movie track record is pretty damn flawless. Yet, in 2009, Turtle wondered how Rogen’s character bagged and bedded Katherine Heigl’s Alison in Knocked Up, a film that had come out two years earlier. And by the time the episode aired, it was well known that Rogen had dropped a ton of weight for his upcoming role in Funny People. If you want to make fun of someone for being fat, whatever—it’s an easy joke, but fair game. But at least do to it in a timely manner and to someone who’s actually deserving of chubby scorn. (Rogen’s response to the comments: “Yeah, those guys are assh*les…Luckily I never have and never plan on watching “Entourage.”) Also, fat people shouldn’t make fun of other fat people. So f**k you, Turtle.

[Editor’s note: “Entourage” creator Doug Ellin notably didn’t respond to Rogen calling him an assh*le — until there was a new season to promote. That’s when he undercut Rogen by saying that he had considered Rogen for the role of Turtle. And for what it’s worth, the original Knocked Up dig probably had something to do with Rogen talking candidly about HBO passing on a similar project of his before picking up “Entourage” — “You start to question your own sanity. Like, ‘Our HBO pilot isn’t funny, but Entourage is?’”]

8. LeBron James, Humble Hipster Philanthropist

Whiny bitch Vincent makes $20 million a year, but he has to be convinced by LeBron James — sporting a pair of fake hipster glasses that would make even Terry Richardson feel like an ass — to give more than $10,000 to a charity for children (LeBron is donating a million). This all occurs in front of Vincent’s private jet that he’s flying to Italy, and shortly after Bono briefly appeared in a webcam cameo. It’s like the writers want us to hate the show. Other notable douchetastic guest stars: Tom Brady, James Cameron, Paul Haggis, Brett Ratner, M. Night Shyamalan, Jay Leno, and Lenny Kravitz.

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