In a move that makes an incredible amount of sense — because, really, why wouldn’t a devoutly religious virgin/active NFL quarterback try to select a mate from a menagerie of maladjusted, wine-soaked, fame junkies in front of a national audience? — Tim Tebow has been approached to be on the next season of “The Bachelor.”
“I’ve actually met Tim Tebow. I met him about becoming our next ‘Bachelor,’” [“Bachelor” host Chris] Harrison told Access Hollywood Live’s Kit Hoover. “I think he’d be a great ‘Bachelor.’”
Asked whether Tebow seemed interested in the option, Harrison responded, “Well, they always say yes, but it never happens.”
“He did say yes… but he would never do it,” the host continued. “He has a little job called quarterback for at least another year.” [Hollywood Reporter]
[After a date that included dinner on the beach and a scenic helicopter ride over an active volcano, Tim Tebow and a Los Angeles cocktail waitress named Brandy return to the house.]
TIM TEBOW: That was so much fun. I had a great time.
BRANDY: Me too. You just mean so much to me. I’m 100% here to be with you. Not like the other girls. Especially Raykatelyn. Don’t trust her, Tim. [makes crazy eyes] Don’t. Trust. Her.
TIM TEBOW: I love your honesty. I really don’t want this night to end. What do you say you and I relax a little in the hot tub?
BRANDY: Sounds great. Let me go change.
[Cut to Tim Tebow sitting in the hot tub. Brandy emerges from the house and takes off her robe to reveal a skimpy bikini that barely contains her artificially enhanced chest. She makes her patented sex face at Tim.]
BRANDY: Do you like my new bathing suit, Tim.
TIM TEBOW: It sure is nice. Why don’t you join me in the hot tub? I’ve got something in my swim trunks I want to show you.
BRANDY: Oooo. Sounds intriguing.
TIM TEBOW: It certainly is. [pulls waterproof Bible out of pocket] I’d like to introduce you to my personal Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. [opens Bible] Raykatelyn really enjoyed this passage…”
[Cut to Brandy’s confessional]
BRANDY: [smoke shoots out ears]