Where to begin, oh, where to begin… how about, why have we never had a True Blood recap until now, after all of these years of Sookie and the gang doing their supernatural things all over Bon Temps, Louisiana? The best answer I can offer is – I don’t know. Perhaps it’s because this popular series could be coming to an end or maybe it’s because I’m tired of hiding from the truth that I’m a fan. Sometimes I feel like Jerry Seinfeld when he tried to hide his love for Melrose Place.
Either way, here we are, chatting about the second episode of Season 6, “The Sun”, because there’s just way too much to ignore any longer. I didn’t catch episode one, “Who Are You Really?” until late last week, but we all know what happened – zero questions were answered. We still have no real clue what’s going on with Bill after he chugged Lillith’s blood, and we know that Rutger Hauer is here to stir up some serious sh*t as Warlow. Except, now we know that he’s not Warlow.
Haha, True Blood, you’re the best at never making any sense!
That said, each Monday we’ll be tackling the episode recaps with this little rhetorical game of True or False, all with the hopes that, final season or not, things get crazier than ever. And, in my humble opinion, we’re off to a pretty solid start.
True or False: Rutger Hauer’s presence makes everything instantly better.
One of my favorite Rutger Hauer roles was from a 1991 HBO movie entitled, Deadlock (or Wedlock, according to IMDB), and of course he was great as the villain in the Buffy the Vampire Slayer film. So I’m ecstatic to have him showing up as Sookie’s “f*cking faery grandfather”.
True or False: The Governor and his people are not screwing around with the vampires.
Yo, they’ve got silver bullets with UV rays built into them. Sh*t’s about to get crazy real between the humans and the vampires, and it better because I’m tired of listening to people complain about season four still. And season five. If you’re going to tease us with war, you better bring it.
True or False: Sookie should just try to be single for a while and focus on her own life.
Of course Sookie randomly finds some good-looking dude who shares her fairy background. OF COURSE SHE DOES! Why can’t this girl just go one day without getting involved in some sort of romantic dilemma? I knew girls in college who had their hearts and brains in order better than this girl. Oh, and let’s not forget her biggest revelation yet…
True or False: Haha, Jason’s a loser and doesn’t have the faery gene. Everybody point and laugh at Jason!
So Sookie is a fairy princess but Jason doesn’t get to be a prince because it skipped a gene. Seriously, Ryan Kwanten deserves an Emmy just for his priceless reaction to grandpa’s news.
True or False: Lilith is difficult to recognize with clothes on.
Lillith cleans up nicely, even if you can still see her fangs and pieces through the gown. Hopefully she can clear things up for Bill now, because I think we’d all like a better idea of what the heck is going on.
True or False: Bill just invented a new kind of Capri Sun.
This scene. Holy crap, I haven’t laughed so hard in forever. If this show gives us anything on its final run or well into a seventh season, I pray that it’s crazier and more disgusting ways for Bill to feed. Hopefully one that involves turning someone into a twisty straw.
True or False: We still don’t have a f*cking clue what is going on with Bill.
We know as much as Eric knows and that is a whole lot of jack and squat. Again, I’m betting we’re in for one ridiculous revelation since, you know, Sookie is now fairy royalty and Bill is apparently climbing the vampire ladder to god status.
True or False: Nerdy Eric Northman is the best Eric Northman of all.
If I hadn’t just watched a girl’s spine get cracked so Bill could drink her blood from five feet away, this would have stolen the episode.
True or False: The governor sees right through Eric’s handsome, sneaky, handsome ways.
Yo, now the governor has contact lenses that keep him from being glamoured? The vampires are in some serious doodoo, y’all.
True or False: Sookie can nuke any vampires she wants, but only once.
Okay, so all this time that Sookie’s been trying to understand her magical light power, it turns out that she has the ability to fry a vampire with an atomic bomb from her hands. But she only gets one shot, and once she uses it, she’ll become normal. I don’t want to accuse this show of being predictable – because that would be a first – but I think we all see where this is going.
True or False: Seriously, Jason just can’t catch a break. Everyone keep pointing and laughing at Jason!
Hahahaha, Jason can’t even jump through the fairy portal.
True or False: No matter how much some of us want him to be, Bill just isn’t God.
Jessica’s prayer had that ominous feeling to it, like things are going to happen and we’re going to be treated to an episode-after-episode rampage that is going to see a lot of characters get their butts handed to them. I’d like them to start with Alcide. He’s being kind of a jerk.
True or False: Ain’t none of the vampires want to end up at “camp”.
Bill can see the future now and he felt the pain of every vampire who had suffered hate crimes as the result of the governor eliminating human-on-vampire crimes. What he saw was a vision of Eric and Co. being burned alive in the governor’s vampire “camps”, so obviously Bill is going to need to figure out his new role and fulfill his destiny of saving them all.
In the meantime…