Video Music Awards (MTV/VH1, Sunday) — Of course, MTV hasn’t played music videos in years, but it’s an annual rite of summer: MTV spends a week praising itself for creating this awards show and remembering all the CRAZY and UNPREDICTABLE moments before airing something that’s less an awards show than it is repeated attempts to create the next CRAZY and UNPREDICTABLE moment for next year’s montage. I’m sure I’ll end up writing about it Monday, unless Hurricane Irene can save me by knocking out New York City’s power grid. Fingers crossed, people. (Video below: cat in a wedding dress doing Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” performance.)
Doctor Who (BBC America, Saturday) — Summer premiere. The more love I see for this show, the harder I dismissively wank in my little corner of the internet. But hey, at least Hitler gets punched.
Man Vs. Wild (Discovery, Friday) — Season finale. Since when is this on Fridays? The season concludes by looking at the average humans behind the camera.
Jersey Shore (MTV, Sunday) — MTV’s airing a new episode to lead into the VMAs. I no longer make the effort to watch “Jersey Shore,” but I’m addicted to MTV’s official Tumblr for the show, which is nothing but endless, sweaty, mattress-throwing GIFs. A+.
George W. Bush: The 9/11 Interview (NatGeo, Sunday) — The former president opens up about his decisions following the terrorist attack. It will be almost as intellectual as the VMAs.