American Idol (Fox) — Series premiere. Man, I am stoked for this to fail when “The X Factor” comes to America. Since all the new judging stuff has been covered ad nauseam, I’d like to point out that Season 9 contestant Alex Lambert (not Adam Lambert) tweeted that he’s homeless, something that a PR rep denies. Regardless, I love that that’s the best way for former “Idol” contestants to get in the news: “Are they or aren’t they homeless?”
L.A.: City of Demons (Investigation Discovery) — As noted earlier today, the alliterative jazzfunkadelic James Ellroy will walk you through his mother’s grisly murder with the help of a computer-generated corrupt dog cop. This might be the greatest show ever created.
Blue Bloods (CBS) — Strong performances by Bridget Moynihan and Tom Selleck’s mustache have bumped this show from Friday night to Wednesdays. Welcome to the big leagues, “Blue Bloods”! This should silence all those critics who say people won’t watch a TV show about cops.
Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew (VH1) — Season finale. Tune in next week for the reunion relapse!
Retired at 35 (TV Land) — Series premiere. A successful businessman moves in with his retired parents (George Segal and “Arrested Development’s” Jessica Walter) to reevaluate his life. What a loser. (Preceded by the Season 2 premiere of Hot in Cleveland.)
Modern Family (ABC) — Rachael Harris guest stars. Most people remember her as Ed Helms’s harpy wife in The Hangover, but I choose to remember her as my nerdy crush in “I Love the ’80s Strikes Back.”