Unusually Thicke (TV Guide Network, 10:00 p.m.) – This is a clip from tonight’s episode of Alan Thicke’s new reality show, in which he and David Hasselhoff discuss the possibility of endorsing an erectile dysfunction drug, and make a bunch of boner puns in the process. Also, at one point Alan Thicke says “You wanna be the face of penises? Have you really thought this through for your legacy?” which is (a) sound life advice, in general, and (b) a pretty solid yearbook quote, if any of you are particularly uninspired high school seniors.
Arrow (CW, 8:00 p.m.) – Another thing about that Hoff/Thicke clip. It is so obviously, hilariously staged, and that brings me unending delight. Everything is The Hills now. I hope a visibly confused Justin Bobby shows up on a motorcycle in the next episode and is all “Where’s Audrina or whatever? Whatever,” then just drives right off back into whatever hole he crawled out of and/or continues to live in.
The Middle/Suburgatory/Modern Family/Mixology (ABC, 8:00-10:00 p.m.) – AND WHY DON’T HASSELHOFF AND THICKE TEAM UP TO ENDORSE THE PILLS? YOU COULD CALL THE PRODUCT “THICKE RIDER” AND THEN SPEND THE NEXT 50 YEARS STACKING $100 BILLS INTO PILES OF INFINITY. YOU FOOLS. IT’S STARING YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE.
Law & Order: SVU (NBC, 9:00 p.m.) – I mean “the idea” is staring you right in the face, not the rigid, Sequoia-esque phallus you’ll have after taking Thicke Rider, the only male enhancement product endorsed by television legends Alan Thicke and David Hasselhoff.
The Soup (E!, 10:00 p.m.) – God, it’s like I have to do everything around here.
The Americans (FX, 10:00 p.m.) – Good show.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Tony Hale on Kimmel; Kiefer Sutherland and Adam Resnick on Lettermen; Jim Gaffigan and Rachael Taylor on Ferguson; David Spade and Sophia Bush on Fallon; Lucy Liu and Barney Frank on Meyers; and Seth Green and Dave Attell on Conan.