Community (NBC, 8 p.m.) – Taken out of context, a community college war between pillows and blankets sounds really…awesome. Also: Gillian Jacobs had better win an Emmy this year.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS, 8 p.m.) – Oh, you think you’re cool because you got Stephen Hawking to guest star, “Big Bang Theory”? Well: “SIMPSONS” DID IT.
30 Rock/Up All Night (NBC, 8:30/9:30 p.m.) – In the hopes of increasing ratings, tonight’s episodes are named “Nothing Left to Lose” and “Hey Jealously,” respectively. NBC’s really aiming for that elusive, yet HUGE Alan Parsons Project/Gin Blossoms demographic.
Scandal (ABC, 10 p.m.) – Series premiere. Hey, Desmond from “Lost” is in this new Shonda “Got” Rhimes series about a crisis management firm. Hi Desmond from “Lost”! I’m sorry about what’s happened to your career, brotha.
Delocated (Adult Swim, 12 a.m.) – I can’t decide which show has the better original songs: “Delocated,” with such classics as “You Used to Be White (But Now You’re Honorary Black),” or “Bob’s Burgers.” Taffy butt, you have a taffy butt…
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Zac Efron and Jennie Garth on Leno; Anthony Davis on Kimmel; Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Jennifer Coolidge on Ferguson; Sofía Vergara and Judd Apatow on Fallon; Christina Hendricks and Aziz Ansari on Conan; Anthony Bourdain on Stewart; and Anne Rice on Colbert.