2012 Republican Primary Debate (CNN) — After 3,345 debates so far (Google it), this one may be the last of the Republican primary season. Word is, Santorum plans to bite the head off of Romney while Gingrich cowers in the corner and cries. Ron Paul will end the debate with a dramatic mic drop, then turn into a bat and fly off stage. Burnsy/Danger 2012! (After the jump, a Santorum photo made completely from screen shots of gay porn).
Whitney/Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC) — We only have a few more weeks left to hate these two shows, as they will be pulled from NBC’s schedule to make room for Betty White’s new show in April. Hate while the hatin’ is hot, yo.
Survivor (CBS) — The “Survivor” casting department outdid itself this year, collecting the most arrogant, obnoxious douchebags in the show’s twenty-something cycles. I hate everyone so far except for the hot motorcycle mechanic lady who broke her wrist last week. It does, however, make for compelling drama if you’re into detestable people getting their comeuppance. It’s just too bad they all can’t lose.
Happy Endings (ABC) — I’ve grown weary of the other ABC Wednesday night comedies, but “Happy Endings” is still bringing it, thanks largely to Brad and Jane. Good news: Tonight’s a Brad-and-Jane centered episode, as they engage in their yearly domestic squabble.
Top Chef (Bravo) — (Season Finale) It’s going to be Paul, right? I mean, there’s not really a question, is there?
Watch What Happens Live (Bravo) — Chrissy Teigen is on tonight with her husband, some guy named John Legend. You folks can slobber all over Kate Upton all you’d like: Teigen is my Sports Illustrated swimsuit model of choice. She’s hot, and she’s smart and acerbic enough to slap your ass down. She also cooks (check out her cooking website)