Bachelor Pad (ABC) – Tonight’s episode features synchronized swimming. Because if there’s one surefire way to draw in distracted viewers in the last month of summer, it’s synchronized swimming.
American Ninja Warrior (NBC) – I wanted to be a ninja so bad when I was growing up. SO BAD. Between 3 Ninjas, Surf Ninjas, and repeated viewings of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon and movies, I consumed HOURS of ninja-related entertainment. I went as a ninja for Halloween like six years in a row. It was awesome how all these shows and movies sent the message that it was perfectly reasonable for children to go fight crime and handle swords and nunchucks and stuff. Surf Ninjas was the best because the main kid didn’t even have to train. He just woke up one day and BOOM ninja master. I would have sacrificed family members for that to have happened to me.
Intervention (A&E) – My New Year’s resolution was to never watch this depressing piece of crap show again. I’m not even joking.
The Best Thing I Ever Ate (Food Network) – If my apartment was on fire and the flames were encroaching on me as I sat in my living room, filling the room with smoke and quickly sealing off all available exits, I would still try to make it to the commercial break of this show before I left. I really like food.
The Closer (TNT) – A buddy of mine once said he thought Kyra Sedgwick looks like a less attractive version of Marissa Miller. My response: EVERYONE looks like a less attractive version of Marissa Miller.
After the jump I’ve posted the music video for “Iesha” by Another Bad Creation, because someone referenced them in the comments earlier and because there are not nearly enough rap groups made up of children in airbrushed overalls nowadays if you ask me.
Ok kids, Matt’s back tomorrow. Thanks for letting me play with you over the past couple days. I had a blast. Bye bye.