Suits (USA Network, 9:00 p.m.) – What if I just lead the Wednesday listings with Suits every week? What if it’s all I can talk about from now on? What if every time I post about anything — Game of Thrones, bears in hammocks, creepy marionettes, etc. — I circle back and tie it into Suits somehow? What then? It would be madness. You’d all have to have me committed.
So You Think You Can Dance (Fox, 8:00 p.m.) – Tonight’s special guest judge is Mrs. C-Tates herself, Jenna Dewan-Tatum. I hope someone comes out and does his “Pony” dance from Magic Mike, accurate all the way down to the last jiggle. It would be like that one time on Suits when Mik-… NOOOOOOO IT’S HAPPENING.
The Soup (E!, 10:00 p.m.) – True story: After writing out the text of this post, I went to go fill-in all our little description fields for the search engines, and when I tried to type “The best and worst of tonight’s listings, including ‘Suits’ and an Andy Daly guest appearance on ‘The Soup,'” what I actually wrote was “The best and worst of tonight’s listings, including ‘Suits’ and an Andy Daly guest appearance on ‘Suits.'” What started out as a joke has turned into a disaster.
Jennifer Falls (TV Land, 10:30 p.m.) – This show is titled Jennifer Falls and the description of tonight’s episode begins with “Jennifer falls for a man who is reluctant to open up to her.” THAT’S GOOD SYNERGY. (I will never watch this show.)
Space Jam/I Love the 2000s (VH1, 7:00-11:00 p.m.) – VH1 is rolling straight from Space Jam into two episodes of I Love the 2000s, focusing on 2002 and 2003, respectively. 2003 is the year Gigli came out. Brace yourselves for awful Bennifer jokes.
LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Mike Tyson is on Kimmel; Dana Carvey is on Letterman; Noah Wyle and Abigail Spencer are on Ferguson; Rosario Dawson and animal expert Jeff Musial are on Fallon; Mike Myers, Shep Gordon, Whitney Cummings, and Tove Lo are on Meyers; and Elijah Wood and Jason Mantzoukas (RAFI!) are on Conan.