Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is getting her own fragrance. The littlest Guidette — and best-selling “author” (ugh) — has apparently signed the contract, but the scent and bottle shape are still to be determined. But if the perfume stays true to the source, I’m sure it will smell like tanning oil, hairspray, pickles, and semen. And maybe sandalwood. Sandalwood makes it classy.
You know how hard-core drinkers dismiss New Year’s Eve as a night for “amateurs”? That’s kind of how I feel about this. There are so many easy jokes to make that even your parents and people with Hotmail accounts can get in on the action. Be careful, folks. There are a lot of inexperienced joke-tellers on the road tonight. Someone could get hurt.