Matthew Perry Politely Declines Justin Trudeau’s Rematch Challenge With A Likely Excuse

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Matthew Perry recently (and awkwardly) revealed that he beat up young Justin Trudeau — while his father, Pierre Elliott Trudeau, was prime minister — during their grade school years. Perry admitted that he did so out of “pure jealousy,” and he didn’t apologize but made the admission with such a self-deprecating air that it was clear that Perry felt like a tool over it. Well, Saturday saw Trudeau tweet a rematch challenge (“Who hasn’t wanted to punch Chandler?), which sparked plenty of excitement.

Sure, it was probably an April Fool’s Day joke, but the thought of these two in a cage match was irresistible. Or at least, everyone but Perry was excited about the prospect. On Sunday morning, Perry awoke from a peaceful slumber with his blood running cold within his veins. He humbly tweeted a polite refusal: “I think I will pass at your request for a rematch kind sir (given that you currently have an army at your disposal)”

Wow, could he *be* any less eager for a rematch? Fighting Trudeau (army or not) couldn’t be that awful, really. There’s only a few contusions to gain and some dignity to lose, and if the two blokes hopped in the ring for charity, they could really rake in the dough. Pay per view! C’mon. *kicks wall in frustration*