Westworld has been the surprise – well, maybe not a surprise – hit of the fall. And it has everything we like in a show. Mystery, robots, lots o’ violence, McPoyle from It’s Always Sunny, Ed Harris in a hat, and more.
It just so happened to coincide with the beginning of basketball season, so some of us have been playing catchup on all the theories and hidden anagrams in the show. Fortunately, we have people like Brian “The Grubb” “Grubbster” Grubb who are all over it. Unfortunately, because Mr. Grubb has been all over it, we haven’t had time for one of our (patent pending) roundtables in quite some time. That’s Fall TV season for you.
But we’re back and better than ever, and we have a Westworld themed prompt to discuss. I get the feeling certain people in general are the type to spend a bunch of money to go to a a Wild West village with robots where you can shoot and gamble and do all sorts of stuff. Others, not so much.
So my question is, who would in the NBA would be all about this?
Russell Westbrook
With how competitive Russ is, there’s no doubt in my mind he’d find a way to win The Maze, invent basketball in the Wild West just so he can dunk all over Hector and Teddy, play cards at all hours and take everyone’s money, and somehow be the best Sheriff that Westworld has ever seen. That is *if* Westbrook ever finds his way out of the sartorial room where he has to decide whether to be a blackhat or whitehat. Did you see that room? There were clothes everywhere. All bespoke to the individual who would be wearing them. Russ doesn’t even need a Westworld. He has a Westbrookworld right in front of him and that world includes chaps and lots of cowboy hats.
– Martin
Boogie Cousins
Boogie is my first pick here for two reasons, both of them undeniable: One, because I think he would love it. My word, would Boogie love it. I wish I could be there in the fictional world where both Boogie and Westworld exist, just to see Boogie’s face when he finds out there’s a park where he can go kill dozens of cowboy robots. He might go so much that it becomes a problem, with team sources leaking stories like “Does Boogie Have A Westworld Problem? Insiders Worry” to friendly reporters. It would be so great for everyone. I was so excited when we thought up this post but now I’m depressed because we are two picks in and knowing it can’t be real is killing me. What started as a joke has turned into a disaster.
And it gets even worse: Reason two is that I couldn’t pick Rasheed Wallace because Sheed is not an active player. Imagine Sheed at Westworld.
Imagine it.
– Brian
Kendrick Perkins
Two things that are important to know about Kendrick Perkins. He has a reputation for being mad, and he loves milk.
What are two things we know about Westworld? People are always mad, and they’re wild over milk. Now try to tell me a scowling Kendrick Perkins doesn’t belong.
– Martin
J.R. Smith
This is just a fact. I feel like explaining it in any way is overkill, a waste of my time and yours. I respect both of us too much for that.
– Brian
Matt Barnes
You know how William went into Westworld all naive and nice and friendly and tepid and sheepish? Then he gets pushed a little bit too far after his jerk brother-in-law opened up Dolores so William could see her gears, and he gets a blood lust and massacres a whole bunch of hosts and then eventually (THEORY TIME) becomes the Man In Black living out his fantasies and killing and basically being crazy with a hat and a knife all the time? Okay, I’m not saying that already happened to Matt Barnes, but I’m not ruling it out either.
– Martin
KRISTAPS
Admittedly, this pick has less to do with me thinking Kristaps would enjoy Westworld than it does with me just really wanting to see an agile, gangly 7’3 dude from Latvia in chaps and a cowboy hat just shooting anything that moves. I have no idea why I think he would be a black hat villain at Westworld, but I am also totally, completely sure of it, to a degree of certainty that I usually reserve for statements like “pizza is good” and “dogs are fun to pet.” I know I just told you to imagine Rasheed Wallace in Westworld, and I hesitate to ask you to stop because that really is quite fun, but take a quick break from that to picture the scenario I’m describing here. Pretty great, huh?
Now picture Clyde Frazier with him, showing him around Sweetwater in a very fantastic and loud cowboy outfit. You’re sad this can’t be real now, too, right?
Well, I’m not sorry. It was worth it.
– Brian
