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Nicholas Read, a dwarf actor who played an Ewok in Return of the Jedi and a goblin in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, recently admitted flashing his wiener at a college girl on a train, then snapping a picture of her reaction. He could receive jail time for his latest offense, as this was the second time he’s been caught doing something naughty on a train. Back in 2010, he received a 20-week suspended sentence for… wait for it… fondling himself underneath a juggler’s hat while sitting next to a 17-year-old girl.
Pint-sized actor Nicholas Read showed his manhood to a student as she travelled to Manchester. He then took a picture of her friend’s horrified reaction on his mobile phone.
It means he is now at risk of going to jail for the 20 weeks – in addition to any extra punishment for the most recent offence.
Read, of Cheadle, Staffs, is now barred from using the rail network except for the purposes of attending court or visiting his solicitor. [Sun]
I know, I know, you want to hear more about the juggler’s hat incident. I got you covered.
Read was arrested last October after ‘trapping’ his victim in a window seat on a train travelling between London and Leicester. The dwarf, 40, had drunk half a bottle of gin and was feeling ‘merry’.
I’m sorry for saying this, but this sounds like the most adorable sexual assault ever!
Speaking from behind a screen, his female victim sobbed as she told the court: ‘He placed his hat on his crotch. I saw a movement and I didn’t know whether to believe it.
‘I looked in the reflection of the window and saw his hand moving under the hat. He tried to catch my attention, tilting his hat up, looking at his crotch area and then looking at me a few times.’
Did he raise his eyebrows up and down lasciviously? That’s the way I imagine it.
The behaviour continued for between 30 and 40 minutes of the 55-minute journey to Leicester. It is understood that Read has recently been hiring himself out to stag parties, offering to be handcuffed to the stag while dressed as a diminutive fictional character such as a Smurf or Oompa-Loompa. [DailyMail]
Well sure. It’s nice work, if you can get it.
Now, I know this opinion isn’t going to win me any friends at the Take Back the Night Rally, but I think dwarves should get a special exemption from indecent exposure laws. If genetics have already forced you into the role of nature’s jester, you should be allowed to blow off steam by taking your wiener out and waving it around once in a while, it’s only fair. And besides, he’s four foot five. How threatening could he possibly be? Someone shoving a petition in my face outside a coffee shop, that’s assault. A dwarf helicoptering his pecker on the train? That’s just good comedy. I would’ve given him a nickel.
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*Disappointed* I thought you said he fondled himself under a “Juggalo’s” hat…’cause dat sh*t woulda been righteous.
This article certainly was a short Read.
Did she not see the sign by the window that said “In case of drunk masturbating dwarf break glass and throw out the window”?
Sounds like he’s always getting stuck with bit parts.
What a strange story, usually little people are the first ones to come out against dwarf tossing.
Y’know, I don’t mean to blame the victim…but the 17-year-old just sat there for 30-40 minutes while he was juggling his balls? She could have had the best YouTube video ever! Totes woulda’ made Tosh.0.
Should’ve just helped him out. Would’ve been ten minutes, tops.
These women should feel lucky, there are people
on Filmdrunkout there that pay premium money to see a dwarf masturbateI know! And instead of crying while recounting the ordeal in a court of law, I would be laughing so hard my balls would explode. Some people will just *never* be happy no matter what happens.
“Oh, boo hoo guv’na! I only saw the *Funniest Thing Ever* on the train, and for some reason I’m an ungrateful little yob intent on whingin’ about my luck!!!”
That is easily the most British thing I’ve ever read. Ever.
He used his Pee Wee Herman to pull a Pee Wee Herman
At least a full-sized actor wasn’t hired to play his part.
His pick-up line…”The name’s Krang. You play your cards right, and I’ll introduce you to the Technodrome.”
Hired this guy for my buddy’s bachelor party in London. [www.theminiman.co.uk]
English Midgets just do it better.
Once you ordered a little person, what did you do with him/it?
Hey, that guy looks like a little Theon Greyjoy.
He dressed like batman and my buddy was dressed like robin. They were handcuffed to each other all night. I highly suggest it.
That *does* sound particularly radical.
What’s the big deal? He was just willowing his wicket.
30 or 40 minutes? Now this, this should have been the plot of Unstoppable.
What a little prick.
Hold me closer tiny wanker
Rubaway Train
Jail time? That’s an outrage. In America they’d give him an Emmy for showing his Peter Dinklage.
I don’t believe this poor man should be persecuted for his shortcomings.
at first glance thought it was a picture of Joseph Gordon Levitt in Looper
I would’ve given him a nickel.
And he probably would’ve appreciated the helping hand, you pervert.
if he was feeling merry, who was merry feeling?tarquin?
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY LORD OF THE RINGS JOKE DAMMIT
I guess he thought she’d want to Cheadle his Staffs.
Why’s this guy always gotta take it out on women?
Do dwarfs shoot normal sized loads?
No Honey Badgers on this guy.
On another note….30-40 minutes? Dude you’re doing something wrong if it takes you that long to finish off YOURSELF!
The final paragraph just made my year. Also, I’m incredibly late to this post.