Johnny Depp And Amber Heard’s Apology Video To Australia Is Painfully Awkward

For committing the heinous crime of smuggling two adorable, fuzzy puppies into a foreign country, actress Amber Heard pleaded guilty to falsifying documents that allowed her dogs, Boo and Pistol, to enter Australia. Her sentence: “a one-month good behavior bond sentence,” according to CNN, and filming a hostage, er, apology video with her husband, Johnny Depp.

In the clip released by the Australian government, both Heard and especially the Pirates of the Caribbean star look like there’s someone just off camera telling them to say sorry, or else the puppies get it. “Australia is a wonderful island with a treasure trove of unique plants, animals, and people,” Heard said. “Australia is free of many pests and diseases that are commonplace around the world. That is why Australia has to have such strong biosecurity laws.” Depp, who’d rather actually have his head chopped off than record this video, chimed in, “Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct. When you disrespect Australian law, they will tell you firmly. Declare everything when you enter Australia.” It’s his best performance in a decade.

Depp and Heard are now free to go, right after their additional punishment: an ol’ fashioned booting. It’s one of Australia’s proudest traditions.

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