Abe Lincoln Versus History's Vampires: Dracula

Senior Contributor
06.18.12 6 Comments

We thought we’d spend the week leading up to “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” seeing how Honest Abe would deal with some of pop culture’s more dangerous and famous vampires…or, more specifically, how you think it would go.

And why not start with the big gun, Dracula?

Lincoln, as far as the novel and film canon goes, is mortal, but dangerous. He’s extremely skilled with an axe, very good at wrestling, and angry. He’s also got a good vampire watching his back, which will probably come in handy in this fight.

Dracula, going again by the novel, has quite a few powers: shapeshifting; superhuman strength and agility; hypnotism; and command of the weather. Unfortunately, he also has a weakness to iron and decapitation, and Abraham is walking into this fight with an iron tool that’s useful for cutting off heads.

Dracula also has a lot of limiting factors. Fresh blood rejuvenates him, and if he doesn’t get it on a regular basis, he’ll age and weaken. He can go out in sunlight, but it reduces his powers; if he changes form at dawn, for example, he’s stuck that way until noon at the earliest. He’s also limited by running water and buildings he’s been invited into. The list of items that can kill him or shut him down is enormous: holy water, communion wafers, iron or steel tools and weapons, garlic, wild rose, silver bullets, a lucky shot to the heart. In the original book, Dracula ultimately is sent packing by getting his throat cut with a kukri and then stabbed in the heart with a Bowie knife.

Finally, he needs to rest in the soil of his native land: otherwise, he’ll weaken over time. In other words, Abraham can definitely wear Drac down over time.

The main problem Abraham would run into is the fact that Dracula has a lot of support staff, ranging from animal stooges to tribes of gypsies to vampires he’s made, and that he’s also not stupid. The entire reason Dracula came to England in the first place was that the locals had figured out how to keep him away, and he needed a new food supply, and once it became clear he might get killed, he split. The novel makes clear, repeatedly, that a weakened vampire is dangerous, but something a competent human can handle provided they’re careful and well-armed.

What do you think? Could Abraham Lincoln take Dracula in a straight-up fight?

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