David Goyer Hates Green Superheroes, Calls She-Hulk A ‘Giant Green Porn Star’ And Martian Manhunter ‘Goofy’

05.21.14 4 years ago 70 Comments

Marvel Comics/DC Comics

David S. Goyer is one of the most powerful voices in the world of superhero movies. He wrote the Blade movies, co-wrote the Nolan Bat-trilogy, and will write both Batman V Superman and the Justice League movie. You’d kind of hope a guy with so much sway over popular superhero movies would a) actually know something about comic books and b) have an enlightened view of the medium and its fans. Unfortunately, on a recent edition of the Scriptnotes podcast (which has since been taken down) Goyer said a lot of stuff that may make comic fans unhappy, particularly if you like yourself some green superheroes.

For starters, according to Goyer, She-Hulk was probably created entirely so Hulk would have somebody to f*ck…

“The Hulk was this classic male power fantasy. It’s like, most of the people reading comic books were these people like me who were just these little kids getting the shit kicked out of them every day, and so then they created She-Hulk, right? […] I think She-Hulk is the chick that you could f–k if you were Hulk, you know what I’m saying? She-Hulk was the extension of the male power fantasy. So it’s like if I’m going to be this geek who becomes the Hulk then let’s create a giant green porn star that only the Hulk could f–k.”

Woof. Where to start with that little theory? Well, for one, Hulk and She-Hulk are cousins and I’m pretty sure they’ve never bumped green uglies. She-Hulk has had her fair share of conquests, but they’re usually depicted as just that. She’s typically the one in control of the relationships, and in general She-Hulk has been depicted in a pretty forward thinking way.

Then Goyer moved onto Martian Manhunter! Goyer asked folks (apparently this podcast was recorded in front of a live audience) if they’d heard of Martian Manhunter, and when a few people put their hands up, he then asked how many of them had beed laid. Ho ho! So, between that zinger and the She-Hulk stuff above, Goyer has now firmly established that he believes all comic book readers are pathetic, chalk-skinned basement masturbators. Goyer went on to offer his thoughts on how he’d include Martian Manhunter in a Justice League movie…

“He can’t be f–king called the Martian Manhunter because that’s goofy. He can be called Manhunter. The whole deal with Martian Manhunter is he’s an alien living amongst us. So, he comes down to Earth and decides, unlike Superman who already exists in the world now, that he’s just going to be a homicide detective. So, instead of using super-powers and mind reading and like, oh, I could figure out if the President’s lying or whatever, he just decides to disguise himself as a human homicide detective. Dare to dream!”

Because who’s ever made a successful movie/TV show/comic/video game about solving murders? How boring and lame! Here’s how Goyer’s Martian Manhunter (er, sorry, just plain non-goofy Manhunter) would work…

“I would set it up like The Day After Tomorrow. We discover one of those Earth-like planets. So maybe like, we get the DNA code from that planet and then grow him in a petri dish here. He’s like in Area 51 or something and we’re just basically, doing biopsies on him. Then he gets out and he’s really angry and he f–ks She-Hulk.”

Nice call-back to your earlier dickery [golf clap].

So yeah, sometimes people say things on podcasts that aren’t necessarily appropriate for public consumption. Maybe this was a misguided attempt at comedy? I’ve enjoyed Goyer movies in the past, and am not about to write off his future projects, but Jesus, I don’t know if I’d be able to survive five-minutes in a room with the guy if this is what he’s like on a day-to-day basis.

Via The Mary Sue

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