Patton Oswalt on the DC Relaunch, His Plan To Wipe Out Third World Debt

09.02.11 7 years ago 2 Comments

We’ve written before about what a comics nerd Patton Oswalt is, so it comes as no surprise he commented on the DC relaunch in a long, awesome interview with the AV Club. (The full two-page interview is here and is well worth the read.) Here’s what he had to say about The New 52:

Right now, there’s two massive crossovers going on in the DC and Marvel comic-book universe. In Marvel, it’s Fear Itself, and in DC, it’s Flashpoint. And I’m like, “Ah, f-cking crossovers! This is a way they can slap the name of the crossover on some minor book and get you to buy it, because one panel has to do with the major crossover.” And I know this ’cause I’ve bought every issue and read them. [Laughs.] I’m b-tching about, “I can’t believe they’re doing Cheetos in these f-ckin’ cheetah paw shapes! They’re so dumb. What idiot buys this? And by the way, when you eat them, the little paw things jam into the roof of your mouth.” “Well, why do you know that?” “Well, I bought—listen, it doesn’t…”

That about sums it up. We complain, but we buy it anyway. Except the Star Wars Blu-rays; I’m not buying those unless it’s this version.

Oswalt also had an awesome plan to end third world debt, which he brought up while taking about not begrudging musicians he doesn’t like for trying to make a living doing music (as opposed to, say, committing atrocities to make money).

PO: Every time a hipster b-tches about Nickelback, they should send some money to the Red Cross, just to go, “Hey, look, I’m sorry that I spent one minute going off about Ke$ha and Nickelback. They’re not the best people on the planet, but I probably could’ve used that time better.” Ke$ha should do an ad for Doctors Without Borders going, “Hey guys, have at it. Rip my music apart. But every time you do it, just send a quarter to Doctors Without Borders.”

AVC: The A.V. Club and its commenters would be sending a lot of money there.

PO: Oh my God, can you imagine how much money you guys could make if any time somebody wanted to write something negative about Dane Cook or Ke$ha, or anything, they had to pay? It’s a pay-to-complain site. Think of some kind of algorithm that can tell if you’re writing something positive. You can write that stuff for free. But if you want to write something negative, you have to open a PayPal account. Oh my God, you could wipe out third world debt with one article about Jim Belushi.

That’s a capital idea. Let’s burn his name onto the surface of the moon. Unfortunately, someone else would have to pay for the laser. All my money would be in the internet swear jar already thanks to yesterday’s Star Wars Blu-ray edits post.

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