Welcome to Reality TV Roundup — a quick look at some of the reality TV-centric stories that have recently popped up across the fine, old Interwebs. Click away, my couch potato friends. But before you do…
SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! One more time: SPOILER ALERT. If you watch any competition shows, the latest elimination for each show is probably revealed in the text below. The hope is that, if you missed this week’s program and would rather clear out your DVR than watch the episode, you can get a quick hit here. But don’t come crying to me if you find out something you didn’t want to know. You’ve been warned. Also note: lots of non-competition reality info lurks below, too.
COMPETITION REALITY SHOWS
AMERICAN IDOL
The judges head to Oklahoma City and a chick brings a fuzzy puppet to her audition. Yeah, that happened.
The show sniffs out talent in San Antonio, and Dan threatens to make me do “American Idol” recaps. Possibly.
Former “Idol” judge Kara DioGuardi has a baby boy via surrogate. Name: not Simon.
“Idol” finalists come forward to say the show isn’t racist. What does get you kicked off the show? Sucking.
PROJECT RUNWAY
So, it’s a team challenge. To make uniforms. Boring uniforms. Susan Sarandon, this is all your fault!
THE BACHELOR
When I think romance, I think roller derby, don’t you? Someone goes to the hospital, by the way. Unfortunately, not because of a throw down cat fight. I think that’s later.
Selma admits not kissing Sean was a struggle. Well, that’s better than saying kissing Sean was a struggle, isn’t it?
THE BIGGEST LOSER
Lisa Rambo went home, but still has her eyes on the prize. A nation yawns and searches for fat pants.
TOP CHEF
So, the chefs take to the high seas to whip up surf and turf on a cruise ship. Yum, cruise ship food… not.
NON-COMPETITION REALITY TV SHOWS
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA
Kenya is making a stallion booty workout video. Phaedra is making a donkey booty video. I am thinking I don’t want to watch either video. Do you? Really?
THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS
The women of BH don’t fight this week. I know, I hardly knew what to do with myself, either. But next week, I think they pole dance, so that’s something.
Brandi still hates Leann Rimes. Still. Yes, still. Calls her a tramp. On Leno. Yup.
MISC.
Ke$ha gets her own reality TV series on MTV. In other news, angels weep.
Chelsea Handler and Piers Morgan fight like bitchy high school students on TV. Because they can.
MTV denies it cancelled “Teen Mom 2” because one of the stars was acting too crazy. When has a reality show ever been cancelled for excess crazy? Exactly never, that’s when.
Louie Anderson may have almost drowned during diving practice for a reality show. And this is why we should leave diving to the professionals.
“The Taste” continues to suck. In other news, I still love Anthony Bourdain. I hope the check was worth it.
Wondering how they pulled off “Joe Schmo: The Full Bounty” ten years after the original? Took some effort, really.