Here at Uproxx, we spend a whole lot of time thinking and arguing about French fries. And it’s no wonder: Fries are delicious (certified hot take!). We recommend you eat them as often as possible, at least as much is appropriate… if not slightly more. All you need is a dash of salt and pepper and your fried potato is ready to stuff into your face.
Of course, every experience that’s “good” can stand to be made great. Some people like to dip fries in condiments, others dunk them in milkshakes. But why just dip a single fry when you can douse a whole tray of them in cheese, bacon, and sauce? Slather them in chili! Pile them with peppers! In a world where pain is ever-present, why limit your fry joy? Go big or go home, we always say.
Today we will be ranking dressed fries. Our metric is Desiigner rocking a salmon suit at the VMAs. Get it? Best. Dressed. Fries. Stay with us, fam, and get ready for bickering in the comments.
7. Shake Shack – Cheese Fries
The fries at Shake Shack are puzzling to us. On one hand, Shake Shack is obviously an establishment that values flavor and quality, but that somehow doesn’t extend to their fry game. Shake Shack uses fries of the frozen crinkle-cut variety and they taste just like market brand Ora Ida. They’re crispy and golden brown on the outside and radioactively greasy and hot on the inside.
To add insult to injury, Shake Shack thought they’d pour some ‘cheese sauce’ all over these basic-ass-Frenchies and call it a day. Sure, you can add bacon to them and — as always — the bacon does make the whole experience better. But it’s simply not enough. They look as unappetizing as they taste.
SCORE: 1 Desiigner in a salmon suit at the VMAs
We bet Shake Shack never thought any of their food would make it to the bottom of a ranking. Maybe it’s this brand of smugness and self satisfaction that got them into this mess in the first place.