When I’m too lazy to do anything, which is all the time, I call up my dad and ask him why he didn’t get into the drug game back in the ’80s, when he came to the United States. To think that with a little gumption and a complete lack of morals, he could have spared me from this dreadful life of working and cooking.
Not that I know much about the hard-knock life. We weren’t rich, but we weren’t “pawn wedding rings for grocery food” poor, either. The most trying thing I’ve ever endured was 18 months without snacking when I got Invisalign. Real hardship is leaving your family and new wife behind and immigrating to the United States via the Banana Boat Express with nothing but a toothbrush, a tube of Colgate, and a small bag of underwear. Which is exactly what my dad did when he was 28.