Pat yourself on the back. You did it. You survived another Mother’s Day. Now that the Brunch of the Damned is over, and your mom has sufficiently rolled her eyes at your piddly gift, you can sit back and think only of the good she brings to your life, her many sacrifices, and the fact that you, and not greeting card companies, are now in full control over when you see her next.
If you’re still stuck marveling at her ability to lovingly snipe at your life choices, though, you might need a little help to put things in perspective. Which is why we went and pulled a few relative horror stories off of Reddit to remind you that your mom is the best. Or, at least, not the worst.
So here goes. And keep in mind, these have been edited for size and spelling.
As spicy_lemonade discovered to her eternal satisfaction, sometimes #Momschemes can fail hard.
So my mom is visiting because yesterday I got my masters in accounting, and I didn’t get to walk for my bachelors, so this was a big deal to me. I’ve already purchased my review course materials for the CPA exam, and I’m gearing up for the next step in my professional life. My mom’s been pretty supportive of this, but throughout the ceremony and today when we were out to dinner, she kept going on and on to my mother-in-law about my husband and I having children.
He and I agreed early in dating we didn’t want kids, and that hasn’t changed one iota in seven years. His mom supports us completely, too. It just really chaps my ass that I’ve worked my butt off over the past ten years, going to school full-time and working full-time, to be successful, have a great home and marriage, and yet all my mom really cares about is having a grandkid.
On the other hand, seeing my mom go completely crazy FINALLY convinced my husband to have a vasectomy.
This brings us to the sad tale of Gatorgodess, who tried to do the right thing when Mother’s Day rolled around only to discover that the best gift you can give some mothers is a wide berth:
last year my mom was coming to visit (for an event) like the week after mothers day, so I didn’t send her gift because I was going to see her so soon. But I sent a box around the same time with her stuff that she had left with me and said she wanted back. So mothers day rolls around, i call her, and she tells me that everyone else has already called her (unlikely and also like who calls you?) and that my brothers (not her kids tho) have sent her gifts. Why didn’t I send her a gift? Well, I tell her that I have her gifts here and Ill be seeing her in a few days why would I mail it? (She is big on not wasting $$ and that would usually qualify) so she tells me how disappointed she was in getting the box of stuff i sent because she thought that it was going to be a gift. But instead, it was just her stuff. She comes the next weekend and I give her her gifts and she pouts the entire time and barley thanks us (I vaguely recall her saying thank you but only because we were in front of other people) Happy mothers day you nut.
Then there comes the issue of sibling rivalry, which, when combined with the potential tumult of Mother’s Day can result in some good old-fashioned family discord. Take it away, poltyy:
One year I went to like 6 stores to find this dumb perfume she wanted for Mother’s Day. The actual day, I got called into work, and I told her I’d bring her present over the next day.
Complete drama ensued, ending in her telling me to just go return the gift if I can’t be bothered to bring it on time. Meanwhile my loser, useless, GC brother had never gotten her anything in his life. No drama there, though. Perfectly fine.
Fun fact: If your mother says she doesn’t want anything for Mother’s Day, she is lying. Don’t fall for it and have to endure what Dogzillas_Mom had to:
One year, my nMom insisted that she didn’t want or need anything for Mother’s Day so we shouldn’t send her anything. So we didn’t.
Boy, that was a mistake. The pouting and whining and guilt-tripping. Now we both go out of our way to spend money we don’t have, all the while she’s insisting we don’t have to do anything. But we know what the consequences are if we take her word for it.
Mother-in-laws can be a whole other migraine, so we’ll just share one story of in-law aggravation, which comes to us from ManToOverman:
I am a baker by trade. At the moment I’m mostly at home with my kids but I have a small business where I make a few specialty cakes a month.
Anyway, since we were going to visit MIL today (tomorrow is MY day) I spent a few days making a cake in her favorite color, decorated with sugar flowers. It turned out very pretty. I would normally charge 300 or so for this.
MIL took a small piece and loudly complained the entire time she picked at it. “It’s just so soft… and wet! Maybe you should try a box mix. They’re easier for people who struggle with cooking” No MIL. The words you’re looking for are moist and fluffy. That’s how cake is SUPPOSED to be.
An hour later SIL shows up with a cheap store bought sponge cake. The plain, super dry, tastes like nothing kind. MIL loved it. Raved on and on about it. Told me to ask SIL for baking lessons.
In the interest of fairness, we’d like to share a few stories from the perspectives of mothers (because what? You’re so perfect?). From —-feelingporny—-:
Ex husband got me a $400 turbo flush toilet. I’m not an epic sh*tter, never said anything about wanting or needing a tall commode with a forceful flush, but that’s what I got. our kid was 3, I was pissed, bummed and shocked, but that thing was pretty grand. Every once in awhile I miss it since I’ve moved.
Worse still is the comedy of errors experienced one Mother’s Day by PM_your_recipe:
I think this year is a Mother’s day low point for me.
My 16 year old brought me roses that he swiped off the neighbor’s bushes… so I had to march his butt over there to apologize and we both wound up mowing their lawn to keep the peace.
My 5 year old decided to give herself a haircut with safety scissors. It looks like she had a fight with a weed eater and the weed eater won. To “hide” the fact she had cut her hair from me, she stuffed all the strands of hair into the sink which is now clogged.
My almost three-year-old twins made me a lovely picture, on my office wall, in sharpie.
My ex-husband called me and bitched at me for not buying his mother a gift (I took care of it when we were married because he’s a man-child). I did take deep pleasure in inviting him to jump up his own ass and die.
All four have been freaking out all day, because they know I’m unhappy. So I finally made everyone put on their PJ’s and we’ve been chilling out eating snacks and we’re having a Toy Story marathon.
Next year, I don’t want them to make any special effort – because none of them are old enough to buy me booze if it goes this badly again.
So there you have it: a few reminders that your Mother’s Day could have been worse and that what adult children owe their mothers most is a bit of understanding and a lot of love. Also booze and pre-made cake, apparently.
‘Mommy Dead and Dearest’ Premieres Monday, May 15 at 10PM on HBO.
