The other day, I went down a YouTube rabbit hole (other animals dig holes; I wish we could interchange them once in awhile for this overused phrase) and wound up watching some old music videos. Music videos are a great thing and I wish they would come back. Anyway, after watching Pat Benatar’s “Sex as a Weapon” and ZZ Top’s “Velcro Fly” (what a world), up came the video for Cyndi Lauper’s “The Goonies ‘r’ Good Enough,” which, strangely, has nothing to do with the 1985 movie, The Goonies. (I’m lying. It does.)
“The Goonies ‘r’ Good Enough” came in-between Lauper’s massive debut album, She’s So Unusual (which went six times platinum in the United States) and her follow-up, True Colors (which went double platinum). This was a time in which it seemed everyone was doing movie soundtrack based theme songs, so this wasn’t very unusual, even for someone who billed herself as unusual. The song would peak at number 10 on the Billboard Hot 100, while The Goonies film would earn a little over $60 million domestically before annoying us over the next 30-plus years with rumors of a sequel. Lauper has since gone on record saying she hates this song. (True story: I tried to sing this at karaoke once. It ranks on the list of “worst songs I’ve ever performed at karokee,” right up there with “Candle in the Wind ’97.”)
But, what is unusual is the music video for “The Goonies ‘r’ Good Enough.” There’s a pretty substantial intro that I don’t think I’ve ever seen before and, after doing a little research, I discovered this intro was not shown in the United States during the song’s blazing run as a “number 10 hit.” Directed by The Goonies director Richard Donner, the video also features a plethora of stars from what was then called the World Wrestling Federation, who are all somehow involved in the very confusing plot of this video.
So what I am going to attempt to do is make some sense of the plot of the music video of Cyndi Lauper’s “The Goonies ‘r’ Good Enough” – because there’s such little sense in the world right now, but at least maybe we can try to find some sense in this. We need to do this. The world is counting on us.