The New ‘Deadpool’ Movie Will Make You Want To Cuss

In the fifth grade – maybe it was the fourth grade; I don’t remember exactly – my parents left me home alone for the entire night without a babysitter. It didn’t turn out to be that remarkable of an evening. If I remember correctly – and, for the life of me, I very well may not be remembering this correctly – it was spent watching Friday Night Videos with one of my neighborhood friends … a friend who I just knew would be my friend for life, but now haven’t spoken to since I was in the fifth grade. (But I didn’t know that then. I didn’t know how it really worked. Let’s be quiet about it, I don’t want to ruin it for my former self because I remember he had fun that night.)

Another thing I remember doing a lot that night was cussing. Oh, I cussed up a storm. I think almost every sentence contained the word “shit” because, well, I could say it without getting in trouble. In the context of the sentences, it didn’t even make sense. I was saying stuff like, “What’s the shit channel that Friday Night Shit Videos is on?” Then, “Look at this shit video from The Fixx. What the shit?”

As an aside, the opening intro to Friday Night Videos is still kind of awesome.

Anyway, if you could have watched me that night: Me, cussing up a storm for no reason whatsoever and using cuss words where they don’t even really belong, just because I could… well, that’s kind of what it’s like to watch the R-rated Deadpool.

First of all, I really wanted to like Deadpool more than I did, because if any movie genre needs a well-done satire, it’s the superhero movie. (“Well-done,” so this excludes the terrible Superhero Movie, which somehow came out more than a month before the first Iron Man movie.) But the biggest problem with Deadpool is that it just keeps telling us over and over just how edgy and clever and crazy of a movie it is, but what we see on screen is just the same ol’ stuff we see in every superhero movie. Yeah, sure, there’s more CGI blood and guts – and cussing!!! – but who cares? (I guess maybe teens. Teens will probably like the blood and expletives.)

Ryan Reynolds plays Wade Wilson, a character he also played in the terrible X-Men Origins: Wolverine film that is pretty much completely ignored, except when making a [Franchise Title Here] Origins: [Minor Character Here] joke. (For example: Star Wars Origins: Ric Olié. I know, hilarious, right?)

And Deadpool does reference how poorly Deadpool’s character was handled in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, but not as biting as we might all hope – at least when compared to all of the other references this movie makes. Anyway, the plot: