Now Sufjan Stevens Has Written A Grammatically Correct Open Letter To Miley Cyrus

Since his insanity has gone from subtext to WHAT THE HELL, Sufjan Stevens has remained mostly quiet. No more state albums, no more films about a bitterly hated strip of road in the middle of Brooklyn and Queens; his most promiment musical contributions of late have been releasing Christmas rap mixtapes and singing background vocals on the National’s Trouble Will Find Me. So it’s a little peculiar that the first time we’ve heard from Stevens in awhile is via his open letter to Miley Cyrus. Then again, he wrote a song about John Wayne Gacy, so…

Dear Miley. I can’t stop listening to #GetItRight (great song, great message, great body), but maybe you need a quick grammar lesson. One particular line causes concern: “I been laying in this bed all night long.” Miley, technically speaking, you’ve been LYING, not LAYING, an irregular verb form that should only be used when there’s an object, i.e. “I been laying my tired booty on this bed all night long.” Whatever. I’m not the best lyricist, but you know what I mean. #Get It Right The Next Time. But don’t worry, even Faulkner messed it up. We all make mistakes, and surely this isn’t your worst misdemeanor. But also, Miley, did you know the tense here is also totally wrong. Surely you’ve heard of Present Perfect Continuous Tense (I HAVE BEEN LYING in this bed all night long [hopefully getting some beauty sleep?]). It’s a weird, equivocal, almost purgatorial tense, not quite present, not quite past, not quite here, not quite there. Somewhere in between. I feel that way all the time. It kind of sucks. But I have a feeling your “present perfect continuous” involves a lot more excitement than mine. Anyway, doesn’t that also sum up your career right now? Present. Perfect. Continuous. And Tense. Intense? Girl, you work it like Mike Tyson. Miley, I love you because you’re the Queen, grammatically and anatomically speaking. And you’re the hottest cake in the pan. Don’t ever grow old. Live brightly before your fire fades into total darkness. XXOO Sufjan

Miley and Sufjan are already working on Twerkxas.

(via Getty Image, via CoS)