There are things you hear about that make you kinda hate the human race, like a baby named Hashtag, or a baby being named by the Internet with names selected by advertisers, which we told you about. The former is still true. The latter turns out, however, to be unmitigated B.S.
Oh, the contest was real: Belly Ballot really did run a “Belly Branding” contest. But, well, the truth is, the entire human race had more self-respect than to enter a contest like this. Despite claims of “wanting to control the situation”, Belly Ballot founder Lacey Moler later confessed that… drumroll please…
Moler approached media outlets about the story, and originally said that 80 women applied to the contest. On Sunday, she admitted that, in fact, no one entered it [emphasis added by us]. [Actress Natasha] Lloyd was hired to play the “winner” and then the public would get to cast a vote for one of five boy names and five girl names on March 18.
In other words, everybody who saw this contest saw it for the terrible idea that it was and refused to enter, so rather than just quietly put a bullet in the whole thing, the Baby Ballot people tried to fake it and got caught.
The key takeaway here really is that nobody sold their kid’s naming rights for five grand. So long, Chalupa Batman McGoatse. You were a beautiful dream, one that will never be fulfilled. At least until somebody on the Uproxx staff gets someone pregnant.