TV

Every Episode Of ‘Quantico’

A few months ago, during their FBI training at Quantico, a few of the recruits linger outside to have a chat about how things are progressing

ALEX: This training is hard, especially since I have to do it while keeping my secret.

THE ONE WHO IS SECRETLY A TWIN: Yes, I also have a secret.

THE BLONDE ONE: I might have a secret, as well.

THE BROWN-HAIRED GUY WHO COMMITTED SUICIDE BECAUSE OF A SECRET THE FBI DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE UNCOVERED DURING THE APPLICATION PROCESS: [commits suicide because of a secret the FBI definitely should have uncovered during the application process]

ALEX: OMG.

THE ONE WHO IS SECRETLY A TWIN: OMG.

THE BLONDE ONE: OMG.

THE RICH KID: I’m calling my dad.

Still during training, THE SUSPICIOUS GUY confronts FAKE GLASSES GUY about all the weird inconsistencies in his personal history

THE SUSPICIOUS GUY: You’re hiding something.

FAKE GLASSES GUY: Am not.

THE SUSPICIOUS GUY: Fair enough.

FAKE GLASSES GUY: Okay, fine. I am hiding something.

THE SUSPICIOUS GUY: What?

FAKE GLASSES GUY: MY SECRET.

CUT TO: Present day, where FAKE GLASSES GUY and ALEX are on the run after she has been framed for a terrorist attack in New York City

FAKE GLASSES GUY: It’s not what it looks like!

ALEX: You have to believe me!

EVERYONE: You did the terrorism thing!

FAKE GLASSES GUY: But she didn’t!

EVERYONE: I saw it on the news!

ALEX: You have to believe me!

EVERYONE: Fair enough. How can I help?

Back in training, THE ASSISTANT DIRECTOR addresses the class

THE ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: This is not a test. This is the real thing. The time for testing is over. This is the time for things being real. Remember your training. You’ll be out there on your own. Anything can happen, because this is real and definitely not a test.

ALEX: OMG.

THE ONE WHO IS SECRETLY A TWIN: OMG.

THE BLONDE ONE: OMG.

FAKE GLASSES GUY: OMG.

THE RICH KID: Actually, I hate my dad.

THE GUY WITH THE STUBBLE: OMG.

THE LADY WHO IS SUSPICIOUS OF EVERYONE: OMG.

[Everyone panics and races around uncovering clues in an attempt to solve a life-or-death problem, which they do at the last moment after their delicate interpersonal relationship have been torn apart at the seams]

THE ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: This was a test.

At literally any point in the show, past or present

LITERALLY ANY MALE CHARACTER ON THE SHOW: I don’t think I can trust you.

LITERALLY ANY FEMALE CHARACTER ON THE SHOW: I don’t think I can trust you.

[They have sex]

Back to present day, where THE LADY WHO IS SUSPICIOUS OF EVERYONE has cornered ALEX and the people who are helping her clear her name

THE LADY WHO IS SUSPICIOUS OF EVERYONE: Freeze! You’re under arrest!

FAKE GLASSES GUY: She didn’t do it!

THE BLONDE ONE: She was framed!

ALEX: You have to believe me!

THE GUY WITH THE STUBBLE: You have to believe her!

THE LADY WHO IS SUSPICIOUS OF EVERYONE: Alright, get outta here!

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