Warning: Spoilers for Gen V episode one below.
Class is in session for the suped-up adolescents of Gen V.
The young adult spin-off of Amazon Prime’s diabolical superhero experiment The Boys takes its world — where exceptionally powered heroes have proven to be exceptionally heinous jerks — and adds a touch of mystery, some raging hormones, and an exploding body or two. The end result? A gory, volatile, absolutely addictive college drama that manages to answer the question of its own existence without leaning too heavily on the original storyline imagined by Garth Ennis, Eric Kripke, and company.
That’s not to say that Vought and The Seven are missing from the world of Gen V. Early on, as the show’s protagonist Marie (Jaz Sinclair), a woman who wields ribbons of her own blood Indiana Jones-style, escapes a correctional facility to attend the supe training institute known as Godolkin University, we see their influence. Everyone from Queen Maeve (Dominique McElligot) to A-Train (Jessie Usher) and The Deep (Chace Crawford) have graduated from this place, honing their skills with courses in crimefighting and personal branding in order to monetize their genetic anomalies. And, in the timeline of the bigger Boys universe, Gen V is situated just after the events of season three, which means fans of that show can expect cameos from names like Soldier Boy (Jensen Ackles) and former Vought CEO Ashley Barrett (Colby Minifie).
But even as it borrows elements from Kripke’s flagship, it always seems in on its own joke. There’s an irony in a show, famous for skewering the franchise-ification of comic book stories, franchising its own superhero-verse. Gen V knows that. It’s laughing at itself, along with the rest of us, while still dropping bodies and bloodying the walls and lobbing magnified d*cks in our faces every chance it gets.
And to celebrate this irreverent debauchery, we’re recapping this season via a leaderboard ranking, not unlike that of Godolkin itself. Instead of heroics, we’re taking stock of the wildest, most WTF moments in each episode because yes, using your supernatural abilities for good is cool but do you know what’s cooler? Burning your teacher to a crisp and shrinking yourself so that you’re small enough to cage-fight a hamster named David Caruso.
Here is where our f*cked up leaderboard sits after episode one’s “God U.”
7. Andre’s Murderous Pick-up Line
A charming slacker with daddy issues and a healthy disgust for corporate branding, Andre Anderson (Chance Perdomo) instantly ingratiates himself to Marie when the two witness a strange escape attempt featuring an erratic student and a human swat team that hints at a bigger mystery to come. Of course, Andre could care less about secret experiments conducted in underground facilities dubbed “The Woods,” he wants to get high and f*ck – in that order. Unfortunately, that means that, while chatting up a girl in a club a few of the students have snuck into, Andre’s ecstasy-addled brain decides using his powers to shape a coin into a delicate bird before flying it into another patron’s cup is a surefire way to score. Maybe it would’ve worked if that guy hadn’t bumped into him, but try telling that to the girl currently bleeding out on the dance floor as Ofenbach’s “Body Talk” blares through the speakers.
6. Golden Boy’s Hot Hug
Luke Riordan (Patrick Schwarzenegger) might have the personality of undercooked rice but he launches a fiery rebellion towards the end of the show’s premiere after a cocaine binge reveals secrets he just can’t live with anymore. We’re still not sure what those secrets are, or what Professor Brink (Clancy Brown) did to the kid that convinced him to do his best Johnny Storm impersonation while the two were wrapped in an embrace but the old man probably deserved it.
5. Cricket’s Hamster Heavyweight Bout
Some freshmen deal with the crushing expectations and debilitating uncertainty of college life by throwing themselves into clubs, making friends, and passing out on sticky fraternity floors. Not Little Cricket. Real name Emma Meyer (Lizzie Broadway), Cricket is capable of shrinking her body to around half an inch in size and she makes use of this weird ability via her Youtube channel where she delights fans by wrestling her pet gerbil, David Caruso, in order to psyche herself up for the bullying she’s about to endure on campus. Go to therapy, Cricket.
4. The Purge
Speaking of needing an intervention, one of the darker moments in the show’s season premiere centered around Emma’s ability – its inherent uselessness to its wielder and its potential to be exploited by shallow-minded creeps. You see, Cricket can’t just shrink on command, she must empty the contents of her stomach, purging herself in a bathroom stall in order to achieve her “ideal” size. Who said metaphors were dead?
3. Golden Boy’s Golden Shower
No, we’re not referencing a weird sex thing – although we wouldn’t rule out the possibility on a show like Gen V. Instead, our top three ranked WTF moment focuses on Luke’s surprisingly swift turn to the dark side. After killing Brink, Golden Boy believes he has no choice but to silence Marie before she can reveal his part in the professor’s death. A chase ensues, fellow supe Jordan Li (London Thor and Derek Luh) attempts to save her, and eventually, Andre has to talk his friend off the proverbial cliff. Luke simmers down long enough to apologize before reigniting and going out in a blaze of glory while everyone records his meltdown on their phones.
2. Marie’s Killer Period
The transition from girlhood to womanhood is brutal, bloody, and horrifying – but it’s never looked quite like this. Marie’s rite of passage turns hellish when her latent powers manifest. As if hemorrhaging from your vagina wasn’t terrifying enough, Marie discovers that her blood is sentient, responding to her call and acting out when she’s stressed or scared. It accidentally slashes her mom’s throat, hurls shards of tile into her dad’s skull, and leaves her an anemic, murderous mess on the bathroom floor. Somehow, we just know Fiona Apple would love this.
1. Cricket’s Shrink Kink
Purging yourself to hang off a random guy’s d*ck is one thing, but Cricket takes self-loathing to a whole new level in a scene that will likely break the internet – or at least the minds of fans who haven’t seen that “Herogasm” episode yet. Not only is this guy pressuring her to shrink herself in order to offer him pleasure – and him only because, let’s face it, wrapping yourself around a man’s penis when it’s the size of a Sequoia tree isn’t doing it for anyone – but he has the gall to order her to stomp on his sack while she holds on for dear life. One slip, one wrong foot placement, and it’s over for this girl.
