TV

A Few Relatively Straightforward Questions About ‘Watchmen’

HBO’s Watchmen is a fascinating and thought-provoking show in its early stages. Damon Lindelof, creator of the show and veteran of Lost and The Leftovers, is good at doing that. His take on the legendary source material is different, strange, and a little nutty, all of which checks out given his track record. I would say more about this adaptation business if not for one small issue: I know very little about any of it.

I didn’t read the Watchmen comics. I haven’t even seen the 2009 movie. My extent of pre-show Watchmen knowledge came from reading one single “What you should know before watching Watchmen” article, which I now regret reading. It would have been more fun to go in totally blind. I’m not reading any explainers or looking up any references, either. It’s kind of a little experiment, to see what and how much I can figure out about all of it on my own. It’s going… okay? I’m enjoying it very much so far, but sweet backflipping Jesus am I confused about some things.

And so, at the risk of getting yelled at a lot on the internet, I present to you a few questions that I — a Watchmen rookie — have about the show so far.

HBO

Who is this guy?

What’s his deal?

How did he get out of those handcuffs?

How did he lift the other guy?

Some sort of pulley system?

How did he set up the pulleys?

Why didn’t Regina King know he was her grandpa?

Why’s he dressed so snazzy?

Is he going somewhere nice?

HBO

Who is this guy?

What’s his deal?

Why’s his mask so shiny?

What’s up with his crazy interrogation room with the images?

How’s he see through that mask with no eye holes?

How does he breathe?

Is it hot in there?

Did you ever buy a cool mask for Halloween and take it off after an hour because your face was all sweaty and the inside of your mask smelled like sweat and your hot breath?

Do you think he has multiple masks like this to swap out when they need to be washed?

Via HBO

Who is this kid?

What’s his deal?

Where did he get these powers?

How did he make that thing float?

Why not just let it sit on the ground?

What’s that he’s making?

Why’s he making it?

How long do you think it took to make it?

Did he use the powers to make it or just keep it hovering there?

Seems like a weird and inefficient use of powers, right?

What would you do if you had powers?

Probably not build a weird silver building and/or city out of silver little LEGO thingies, right?

Did you ever think that’s maybe why you don’t have powers, though?

Because you’d use them wrong?

Bet you feel silly now, huh?

HBO

Who is this guy?

What’s his deal?

Why’s he wearing a panda mask?

Why’s his panda mask so dirty?

Why doesn’t he get his panda mask cleaned?

Why doesn’t he buy a new panda mask?

Can he not afford a new panda mask?

Do you think public servants should be paid a livable wage that allows them to replace their old and tattered panda masks?

How much does a panda mask cost, anyway?

How much would you pay for a panda mask?

Like $50?

What about a used panda mask, if it’s in decent shape?

Would you feel comfortable buying a used panda mask?

What if it has lice in it?

Could he switch to a new animal mask if he finds one on sale or is he stuck now that everyone calls him “Panda”?

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