Like scotch paired with a steak, two great tastes will come together tomorrow on FX, when The Taste judge/Dad Boner fanatic Anthony Bourdain guest stars on Archer. As previously mentioned, he’s playing a “bastard chef” named Lance Casteau, who bosses around Sterling, Lana, and Cyril when they go undercover in his restaurant.
To honor our pal Bourdain’s animated experience (wine will apparently be double-fisted), we asked him to take a look at some of the Archer-inspired meals we made in our TV Gourmet post, and give his opinions on Nutella steak and eggs, Malcolm X tea, and bear claws paired with a Shandy, as well as new meals, like Eggs Woodhouse from the How to Archer book. Let’s see how we did, shall we? (Takes seven shots of whiskey in preparation.)
Recipe: Nutella, steak, and eggs
What we said:
This is the meal that Archer hopes for, but never gets, on his birthday. Consider it a mixed blessing. Putting Nutella…on the eggs was wonderful. Nutella, eggs, and steak, though: not so much. It was an unpleasant ménage à trois, with the steak attempting to force its way into the proceedings, while the Nutella and eggs happily made love together in my mouth. It was just awkward for everyone.
What Anthony says:
This is just disgusting. And morally wrong. You’d have a hard time getting a crackhead to eat this. Chocolate and steak are like church and state. They should always be separate.
Recipe: Scotch and gummy bears
What we said:
There are six gummy bears in the glass. I was precise. Trying to drink scotch while simultaneously chewing on a gummy bear is a lot tougher than it seems – and not particularly flavorsome, either. The gummies (WILL YOU STOP SAYING “GUMMY” SO MUCH?) are too chewy and the scotch is too powerful to be ingested at the same time. What I’d recommend is soaking the gummies in a glass of God’s Greatest Alcoholic Gift, to let the liquor marinate into those little bears. So much better. Plus, it’s an adorable way to get hammered.
What Anthony says:
This, on the other hand, is a classic, if somewhat tragic combination. Popular with sad fat people.
Recipe: Malcolm X tea
What we said:
I wasn’t familiar with Malcolm X Tea until hearing about it on Archer. The drink is a “cheap high that Malcolm X was known for using while in prison. In his biography, he noted a glass of ‘tea’ having the same effect as smoking three or four reefers.” To make the drink, all you have to do is stir 3/4 cup of nutmeg into a glass of water…I had two sips before I was done. The only note I took down was “nutmeg…moldy cinnamon.”
What Anthony says:
This doesn’t work. By the time you’ve done enough nutmeg to get high, you’re puking up pumpkin pie flavored hunks of your stomach.
Recipe: Bear claw and a Shandy
What Anthony says:
Shandy, eh? Dubious. In the UK often seen as grounds for a beating.
Recipe: Green Russians (absinthe and milk)
What Anthony says:
Only on festive occasions. Like methadone pick up days.
Recipe: The Malory Cocktail (rubbing alcohol and Tang)
What Anthony says:
The preferred buzz of astronauts. If you crush codeines or Oxy in, it makes them even better.
Recipe: Eggs Woodhouse (taken from How to Archer: The Ultimate Guide to Espionage and Style and Women and Also Cocktails Ever Written)
What Anthony says:
This recipe appears to actually….work. And sounds improbably delicious. I’d eat this.
