You know you’ve really made it when they start naming scientific discoveries after you. Keanu Reeves has his fungus, Taylor Swift has her little bug, and even ABBA has a spider named after them, even though it has probably never seen Mamma Mia! and therefore doesn’t deserve it (fake fan). But now Harrison Ford is getting his own snake, which would offend Indiana Jones even more than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull did.
Ford inspired a newly-discovered snake, Tachymenoides harrisonfordi. Why did it have to be snakes? The species was named after the actor to thank him for his ongoing commitment to conservation. The man also has a spider and an ant named after him, for the record.
“These scientists keep naming critters after me, but it’s always the ones that terrify children,” Ford told Entertainment Weekly. “I don’t understand. I spend my free time cross-stitching. I sing lullabies to my basil plants, so they won’t fear the night.” This is a lot to process because, realistically, basil plants should be fine after dark. It’s the sunflowers that really should fear the night.
Ford then claimed he was joking (?) and continued, “In all seriousness, this discovery is humbling. It’s a reminder that there’s still so much to learn about our wild world — and that humans are one small part of an impossibly vast biosphere. On this planet, all fates are intertwined, and right now, one million species are teetering on the edge of oblivion. We have an existential mandate to mend our broken relationship with nature and protect the places that sustain life.” While he was probably trying to be optimistic this more or less just confirmed that we are all doomed.
Can we focus on the real news here? Ford probably has a cross-stitch Etsy shop out there somewhere and none of us even know.