When Olive Garden initially announced that it would be selling a limited number of All-You-Can-Eat Pasta Passes to promote its annual Endless Pasta event, I got a pretty terrible feeling in my stomach. I just knew that as soon as we wrote about the Pasta Pass and the subsequent backlash, both very mildly positive and hilariously negative, that someone would ask me to get one and attempt to eat pasta for the entire 49 days of the carbohydrate campaign. Sure enough, my UPROXXian colleagues demanded that I do it, while other friends offered to pick up the tab on the pass, but when I finally broke down and went to purchase a card, I had about as much luck as most of the pathetic animals crying about it on Facebook.
Trust me, I’m not complaining, because just the thought of more than one day of fettuccine alfredo and endless breadsticks – two things I usually love oh so much – was enough to make my stomach develop a preemptive ulcer. So who, then, is going to be brave enough to chow down on Darden’s most average faux-Italian fare for seven weeks and report his findings to the world? That man’s name is Vino, and I honestly can’t decide if he’s this bizarre or the Mount Cleverest of YouTube characters.
Vino is no fool to the dangers of what he has chosen to bring upon himself. After purchasing one of the Pasta Pass cards on September 8, Vino launched the website allofgarden.com and detailed his incredible plan for whoever may be brave enough to follow him into the tapeworm’s belly.
My name is Vino, and I am going to eat all the pasta.
No man’s hand will stay my fork.
No woman’s love will sway my heart.
No doctor’s order will restore my cholesterol.
My name is Vino.
I am going to eat all the pasta.
On September 8th, I purchased a Pasta Pass, and immediately realized my life’s goal. For the 49 days of Olive Garden’s Never Ending Pasta Bowl™, I will consume nothing but food obtained through that fine establishment. On this site, I will document my journey – the friendships I create and destroy, the changes my body goes through as it adjusts to a purely carbohydrate-based diet, reviews of each and every one of the 150+ combinations of pasta, sauce, and toppings – and so on.
He calls it his life’s goal. That’s simply remarkable. I used to joke that my goal was to be married five times by age 50, and have each of those wives be a former Hooters waitress, but Vino is delivering a master class in what it means to chase one’s dreams, as he is meticulously keeping track of every dish and combination that he is eating. So how has he been holding up on his journey thus far? Let’s check in with Vino on Day 7 of his journey, which he shared this morning.
Today’s dinner marked the end of my first of seven weeks of eating nothing but Olive Garden’s food, and I couldn’t be happier with my life as it stands in this very moment. Life seems full of color, the future seems full of possibility, and I seem full of pasta. I admit that when I started the journey, I had my misgivings. To paraphrase the Bible: man shall not live by breadsticks alone. Yet here I stand, a testament to the raw power and conviction of a man with a dream.
Lunch was “Hall & Oates”.
Dinner was comprised of three plates of pasta:
“Simon & Garfunkel”
“David & Goliath”
“Spaghetti & An Entire Sausage”
In conclusion, I’m still hungry. Bring on Week Two.
I know, I’m curious, too, so let’s just ask the big question in unison – What the hell is a “Hall & Oates”?
Just as Daryl Hall’s rich tenor is perfectly accompanied by John Oates’ smooth backing vocals on a solid foundation of rock-soul grooves, this dish is tightly balanced between two stars, either of whom would be a laughingstock if they ever did attempt to Go Solo. And with Chicken Fritta topping only an additional $3.49, you don’t have to be a Rich Girl to appreciate this one!
While I’ve never actually had a favorite food critic before today, it’s safe to say that Vino just locked that title up for the considerable future. Best of luck to him on the rest of his incredible journey, as I’ll be hoping that he makes it out of this quest alive and under 300-lbs.