Hi. Take a seat for a second, because what I’m about to tell you is probably going to shock you. People on the Internet are really mad at President Barack Obama. I know, it’s almost too absurd to be true, but I assure you that it’s happening right now on Twitter. Hundreds, if not thousands, of people are tweeting their anger and outrage at the Leader of the Free World because a 13-year-old named C.J. Pearson claims that Obama blocked him on Twitter. That would be incredibly trivial and even pathetic if true, which it might be, depending on how insane you are.
If you’ve never heard of Pearson before, he became an Internet star last week by piggybacking the Ahmed Mohamed news with a harsh video addressed to Obama. In it, Pearson either “shredded” or “slammed” the President, depending on where you read your political news, because of that generous invitation to the White House that he tweeted to Mohamed after the clock news broke. Pearson basically told Obama that it’s wrong that he’s inviting some kid to the White House when he has never invited the families of slain police officers, and thousands of adults rushed to Pearson’s Facebook fan page – because kids have those – to call him their hero. It was truly a high-flying trapeze act moment in this year’s GOP circus.
That’s because Pearson is also a huge supporter of Sen. Ted Cruz, one of the many Republican candidates currently sucking on Donald Trump’s dust. Pearson has devoted his young life not to making friends or chasing girls, but instead to helping Cruz fulfill his destiny of saving America from the secret agendas of our Muslim President, who wants to gay marry us into the transpocalypse. Obviously, Cruz and his people must be loving Pearson’s recent success, and today was another victory for this young conservative, because he tweeted this badge of honor to the delight of the masses…
Whoa, that’s pretty nuts, right? I mean, we’re talking about a teenager getting under the f*cking President’s skin to the point that Obama was like, “Haters to the left,” as he exercised the most powerful mouse-clicking finger in the world. Of course, there are some people out there who were quick to point out how absurd it is that the President would block anyone on Twitter, let alone a child.
That tweet is from Assistant White House Press Secretary Frank Benenati, who quickly became the target of Obama-hatin’ scorn from right crusaders who know that this administration does nothing but lie. I won’t bore you with a parade of horrifyingly hateful tweets, but rest assured that many looked like this:
This person took it one step further, including another hot button issue of the Internet Era, accusing POTUS and Benenati of cyber-bullying Pearson:
And a full onslaught of irrational political Internet rage is never complete without the No. 1 talking point in any hilariously ignorant conversation about Obama – that’s right, Nazi Germany!
Others have even backed Pearson’s claim by stating that they’ve also been blocked by Obama. For example, this woman claims that it happened to her:
That’s a heavy claim right there. I’ll let Renegade Cowboy ask the important follow-up:
Here we have a classic misunderstanding, because this woman wasn’t actually blocked by the @POTUS account. It was Obama’s other account, she claims, while still not providing a screen shot.
The truth remains, however, that no matter how ridiculous this may seem, people believe that it happened and demand answers from the man they all know to be a career liar. Pearson remains confident that he was, in fact, blocked by Obama, but what’s interesting about that – we’ll call this Exhibit A – as one intrigued Twitter user pointed out, is that when someone blocks you on Twitter, it removes you from that person’s followers. This did not happen to Pearson.
Now, the conspiracy theorists in Pearson’s camp, those who claim that the kid isn’t lying because he has a screenshot, are refuting this by saying that Obama simply unblocked him once the sh*t hit the fan. Bingo, bango, the secret Muslim clicked his mouse again and we’re all sheep for blindly following. So maybe Exhibit A is worthless in the Court of Twitter. Exhibit B, then, comes with the theory that this kid is not only a liar, but also a thief, having tweet-jacked the disturbingly popular race-baiting, ‘Merica-loving “parody” account Cloyd Rivers.
Buried between the many supportive tweets from Pearson’s new army of followers and fans are accusations that he did nothing more than lift this image from another account. This accusation also reinforces Benenati’s claim that the President’s account doesn’t block anyone, because Cloyd Rivers presumably stole this joke from the joke-stealing Meninist Twitter account, which tweeted this image three days earlier:
The funny thing is that even before I got this far down the rabbit hole, I started thinking to myself, “This all sounds way too familiar.” I’ve seen this gag somewhere else, because I remember laughing about it and asking someone if this actually happened, and of course the answer was no… because that someone was the brilliant and lovable PFT Commenter.
In conclusion, we can look at this C.J. Pearson Twitter nonsense in one of two ways:
1) The President of the United States blocked a child on Twitter because he couldn’t handle the hot fire from that child’s videos, and we must believe the child because he has a screengrab.
2) A kid who loves attention loved the attention he got last week and desperately wanted to make headlines again, so he devised a plan to right click/save an image and then tweet it as his own, while failing to do his homework. Now, he’s committed to the lie, but we all know that, in reality, he stole a pic from Cloyd Rivers, who stole a joke from Meninist, who stole that joke from PFT Commenter.
The decision is yours to make, but I stand by this ultimate verdict – the only person worth following on Twitter is PFT Commenter.