Around midnight last night, comedian Paul F. Tompkins tweeted that he was on a plane with wi-fi, so he’d be live-tweeting the Skymall catalog. As a Paul F. Tompkins fan who has a love-hate relationship with the Skymall catalog, this made for a great evening. Especially when read while listening to his recent cover of Adele’s Skyfall at a Largo show.
Here’s just a quick summary of the pictures and tweets:
“Hey, Mister Tompkins, would this life-changing Skymall product be a savvy acquisition?”
We’ve placed our favorite pictures and comments from Paul F. Tompkins’ live tweeted Skymall catalog below. Each comment under the pictures is from Paul F. Tompkins, with a few editorial comments added when necessary.
“FINALLY! The solution to unbroken wrists and ’rounded nose’!” [via]
“Loved ‘The Aviator’? Let everyone know with this stick-on Howard Hughes Tramp Stamp!” [via]
“Being chased? Run into the Country Music Hall of Fame bathroom & slip on this Garth Brooks disguise!” [via]
“FINALLY, a futuristic accordion you can rip apart with your bare hands & mash into the ground!” [via]
“Into Steampunk? Hate dogs? Wooden Dog Prisons! Wooden Dog Prisons! WOODEN DOG PRISONS!!!!” [via]
“Fool yourself that you’re fooling others and drink an entire bottle of wine in ‘peace!’ Happy blackouting!” [via]
“Why travel all the way to Costa Rica to watch your children break their necks, when you can do it at home?” [via]
“Just inflate the screen, press play & start talking! SO LONG UNWANTED FRIENDSHIPS AND MARRIAGES!” [via]
“What if your child DIDN’T grow up to be a meth-dealing sociopath? Don’t take that chance.” [via]
Ed. – If owning a Sons of Anarchy playset is wrong, right ain’t sh-t.
“The logs roll onto you & your skin ‘pulsates’* with delight! * #skymall *In this context, ‘pulsate’ = ‘burn.'” [via]
“Why should praying mantises have all the exoskeletons around here? Put this on, you bug freak!” [via]
“Pit the kids against each other w/a fake future-chess-looking game with no rules & find out who’s the keeper!” [via]
“This beautiful gemstones on this ring have been specially cut to make you look almost like Jennifer Aniston.” [via]
“Let your child experience the guilt and regret of Robert Oppenheimer with our ‘House-Burner-Downer’!” [via]
“Old-school Catholic? Hate dogs? Banish them to Home Limbo for Dogs! Home Limbo for Dogs! HOME LIMBO FOR DOGS!” [via]
“No sense of humor? Love explaining things? Hate being understood? Here’s a shirt for you! You make me sad!” [via]
Ed. – Fake Bret needs one of these.
“Clinically proven! Put this money belt on your head and be transformed into Debbie Gibson!” [via]
“Soon our consciousnesses will all live online, overseen by Kate Hudson. Maybe buy her a mug of something!” [via]
“WILL SOMEONE PLEASE BUY ONE OF THESE F*CKING THINGS ALREADY I MEAN GODDAMMIT” [via]
Ed.- Nope, this item is going to be in the Skymall catalog for-ev-er.