A Boomer Professor Is Very Upset That Young People Are Spending Time Trading Stocks And Bitcoin Instead Of Working Out And Trying To Get Laid

In the latest installment of “Millennials Kill Everything: Stonks Edition,” the GameStop stocks drama is now causing Boomers to lose their minds and throw tantrums on national television.

Case in point: This bizarre take from Scott Galloway, professor of marketing at NYU Stern School of Business. Galloway gave an interview on MSNBC, which felt more like a one-minute rant against those damn Reddit “youths” who are influencing the stock market by beating some hedge-fund managers at their own game (embedded ab0ve — Galloway’s rant starts around the 6:40 mark). If you’ve been keeping up with this delightful tale of stock market sabotage, you’ll know a bunch of Redditors banded together to drive up the price of GameStop’s stocks when a hedge fund essentially made stock bets against the company (“shorting” the stock), intending to make a huge profit on the company’s failing business. It’s a fairly normal practice in the marketplace, so the stock bros didn’t expect a group of retail investors to disrupt the status quo which led to bankruptcy filings and blatant market manipulation and a pretty fiery exchange between Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Senator Ted Cruz (we’ll let you guess who came out on top).

Now that the old system of doing things when it comes to buying and selling on the stock market is being threatened, a handful of old-timers like Galloway are effectively losing their sh*t, predicting how terrible this will be for the market, for hedge funds, etc. But while we’re all incredibly sad to see rich white men lose their boats, Galloway’s take on the stonk drama feels, well, dramatic — even for a dude that simps for big government in his Twitter bio.

“Maybe it’s fun, fine,” Galloway told MSNBC. “But the biggest loss of capital will be the human capital of young men who are sitting and staring at their phone, watching the price of Bitcoin or the price of AMC. Ask yourself, ‘Would you be better off taking that one, two, or three hours a day and working out, trying to form relationships, romantic relations, getting great at something so you can be the person on the other side of the trade?’ Similar to how there’s a ton of young women out there who became very depressed by looking at Instagram, self-cutting, and self-harm skyrocketed … I think you are going to see an explosion in young male depression.”

The leap from playing with stocks on investment apps to women cutting themselves is certainly something, but Galloway seems pretty worried about the state of masculinity in today’s younger generations and what educating ourselves on stock market practices designed to keep the rich rich and make the poor poorer will do to it.

Of course, his distaste for all this stonk revolution nonsense hasn’t stopped him from finding a way to cash in on our renewed interest in upending the imbalance in America’s oldest financial institution. After all, that’s capitalism baby!

But watching Galloway whine about hedge funds dying surprisingly isn’t as funny as watching Twitter drag him for his own hypocrisy.

Look Boomers, if you didn’t want us to band together to throw the free market into chaos, you should’ve let us spend our money on avocados and kept your mouths shut.