The Kremlin Is Insisting That Vladimir Putin Is Too Manly And Vigorously Active To Possibly Be Hiding In A Bunker

Vladimir Putin grew incensed after world leaders mocked his shirtless horseback photos when he invaded Ukraine. Matters did not improve when his former underlings mourned the loss of his “superman” image while claiming that he was “terrified,” and then a report claimed that Putin was “pathologically afraid for his life” and scared to use a cell phone. The last straw, though, appears to be ongoing claims that Putin spends a lot of time hanging in a bunker. The Kremlin is here to shut down what they say are lies, lies, lies.

Those reports intensified once more, along with conspiratorial rumors of a Putin body double, after the Russian president visited an occupied part of Ukraine last week. The last time he did this, Putin staged a group of fake-enthused residents to welcome him while he got heckled in a display that Russian State TV of course edited from broadcast. Still, Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov will have you know that this is all Putin. There are no body doubles and no bunkers because Putin is so manly and full of “mega-active” vigor that he would not possibly hide, according to Peskov and via Al Jazeera:

“You see yourselves what our president is like: he always was, and is now, mega-active — those who work next to him can hardly keep up with him,” he said.

“His energy can only be envied. His health can, God willing, only be wished for. Of course, he doesn’t sit in any bunkers. This is also a lie,” Peskov added.

Sure, the body double stuff is probably made up, but the no-bunker claim is extraordinarily difficult to believe, although technically, the claim might be correct if they’re talking about an ordinary old bunker. Whereas Putin has luxury, fortified, above-ground compounds that happen to be filled with pickles and which arrive with their own missile defense systems. When you’ve got that, a bunker isn’t so necessary. Details, details.

(Via Al Jazeera)