Reddit is a deep, dark place, as the site’s users dark secrets will attest. After spending some time in the “Today, I F*cked Up” subreddit, and briefly lingering upon the user who licked some “chocolate” from his toddler’s fingertip, this other story stands out even more in my eyes.
User Steffan Stewart unwittingly sent his lady to the hospital after a particularly passionate interlude. The actual act went off without a hitch, and mechanically, Steffan appears to have done his job well. Perhaps too well, from the looks of things. This first paragraph sounds a bit humblebraggy (and Steffan knows as much), but hang tight and we’ll get through it together because — after the story — the comments are even better:
“Now I know this sounds bad but hear me out on this one. So this morning I woke up to the girlfriend grinding into me, which naturally turned me on. Without getting into unnecessary detail, we proceeded to do the mattress mambo. Everything was going great until right after she orgasmed – her skin suddenly turned pale and she rolled over whimpering and holding her lower abdomen. I tried to figure out what was wrong and all she could tell me was that she felt a stabbing pain in her lower abdomen. Worried and unsure of what to do in the situation, I took her to to the emergency room.”
By now, you’re thinking this dude is totally making sh*t up, right? Making himself look so powerful and mighty in the sack. Then this happened:
“I don’t recall what tests were all ran on her, but after several hours of waiting we were given a diagnosis as to what happened. It seems that she had an ovarian cyst roughly the size of a golf ball and as she orgasmed her muscle contractions caused for the cyst to rupture, with the consistent thrusting of my wang being a contributing factor.”
Surprisingly, the Reddit users did not call this guy a liar, but I don’t think anyone would make up the second paragraph to impress the internet. Steffan promised that he and his girlfriend would be more careful in the future, but the comments were so glorious that they nearly overrode his original post.
Fantastic job, Internet.
(Via Reddit)