Today’s question of the day, compliments of Reddit is: What is the best way someone has hit on you? The variety of answers cover the vast spectrum from funny to creepy, to just plain ending in bow chicka wow wow. Personally, I’m married and in my 30s, and the closest I’ve come to being hit on lately is a guy who looks like a fatter, creepier Nick Kroll at my gym who stands too close and leers at me. So, if you’re anything like me, you’ll just have to live vicariously through some of these stories. For everyone else, though, consider this inspiration to finally work up the nerve to tell someone how you really feel. Carpe diem and sh*t!
We’ll start with the excellently and appropriately named DoctorErection, who reveals that his current lady friend cut right to the chase:
My current gf asked me out by walking up to me after work (a complete stranger until this moment) putting her hand on my arm, looking at me with smoldering eyes, and just kissed me. Apparently she had been checking me out for a long time, too nervous to say anything, and finally built up the courage to do it.
This entry comes from Lando4Peace, who clarifies that he is a heterosexual male, while the cashier was a gay and/or bisexual male in this instance:
Was walking through Wal-Mart with my wife, two cashiers were standing off to the side of us, as we walk by, the male cashier says, “Dibs on the Blond!” Confused, I turn and look, he’s glaring right at me. My wife is brunette. I was the blond.
I really hope neeaaalll at least gave this guy some spare change or a sandwich:
This homeless guy yelled at me “hey you you handsome f*ck, yeah you with the long hair. Give me a hug it’s my birthday!” Totally flattered.
So, kaliforniamike… did she, in fact, climb you like a tree? Details!
I’m super tall at 6’9″ for reference. Most girls have no game when it comes to pickup lines. I was at a concert a few months ago and this short girl came up with some serious A+ shit.
She tugged at my shirt from behind and motions for me to bend over a bit for her. So I do and she says, ‘you know it’s been a while since I climbed a tree.’ My first thought was what the shit is she talking about when suddenly as I’m still leaned over she jumps on my back and shimmies her way up till shes sitting on my shoulders. Then says she’s not getting down but if I want to walk her over to the bar she’ll buy us both a drink.
Well f*cking played short girl.
-eDgAR- here found himself with a sexy pizza delivery. And he even got to watch House after!
When I was in college I was sitting in the lounge of my dorm doing some studying when this girl, who was a year older than me was passing by the hallway with a pizza. We had talked a few times before and I had the sense that she had a thing for me and I found her incredibly attractive. She says to me, “Hey, I just got this pizza and I can’t finish all of it, do you want to come to my room and watch House?” I of course didn’t hesitate, who could resist a beautiful girl and pizza.
Once she had me in her room she made a move before we even ate a slice. It was super attractive to me that she was so straight forward, it was my first semester at college and I was not used to women being like that. All in all it was the best way to be picked up and some of the best sex I’ve ever had. Also, we did end up eating pizza and watching House afterwards.
BaconConnoisseur for some reason thinks you have to actually like someone to have sex with them, which is just, LOL.
She said, “Normally I’m a total lesbian, but you’re really cute.” Then it turned out that she is one of the few people I’ve met who I just don’t like as a person. Bummer.
NotAThrowAway recalls a chick who did not have a problem cutting to the chase:
Me: “I get so touchy-feely when I get drunk.”
Her: “Want to grab a drink?”
MarshianMusic got picked up by a dad joke living in a teenage girl’s body:
I would drive my friend (now girlfriend) home from school and one day she asked if we could go to Walmart because she really needed a lime for some reason. We get to the produce section and I notice she is having trouble putting them into her bag. I ask if she needs help and she drops them on the floor, looks at me and says “Sorry, I’m bad at pick-up limes.”
DiscountPhil almost got a three-way out of this pickup:
Oh man this happened just last weekend! My girlfriend and I were chatting at the bar on Saturday night and we met a couple other people. I was chatting with a girl I had just met. She leans over to my girlfriend and said “he’s so hot. I’m going to take him home”. As soon as my girlfriend said that we were together, the girl says “Oh even better! I haven’t had a threeway in a long time!”
Of course it didn’t happen, but I had the stupidest grin on my face after that.
And finally, wvufan44 encountered a cougar who clearly did not GAF:
“You a fine piece of ass for a white boy.” -elderly black lady, Atlanta