Roommates are supposed to be your best friends, your pals, and your confidantes. At the very worst, your roommate–if you must have one–should be tolerable. But under no circumstances should your roommate ever think that it’s okay to have sex with your glassware. In fact, if “do you enjoy sex with Dilbert mugs?” isn’t already on your list of questions for potential roomies, you need to add it as soon as you finish reading this horrifying story.
Bro Bible reports that while some roommates may steal your comforters and never clean, others might do something way more sinister. Like take your glasses, line them with sponges, and then blast through them with the passion of one thousand dying suns with their genitals.
Reddit user igotthejack summed up his horrifying experience in this way: “The cups in our house keep disappearing. Turns out my roommate has been f*cking them.”
Oh, and he posted a helpful visual that should get your juices flowing (right up your esophagus and through your mouth as you are overtaken by nausea):
Listen, I don’t know, either, but he must have gotten the directions off the internet, right? No one just comes up with that sponge trick, I don’t think.
There are two morals here: One, never trust your roommates; two, sometimes roommates can be worse than the ones you currently have. Neither of those are very comforting, though.
(Via Reddit, H/T Bro Bible)