Tank Expert Steven Seagal Is Now The Official Spokesperson For A UAE-Made Armored Truck

On the subject of “what is Steven Seagal up to this week?” the answer is “attending the International Defense Exhibition in Abu Dhabi (aka IDEX 2021) where he has become ‘the brand ambassador for the UAE-based Streit Group.'”

The UAE-based Streit Group, which was once under investigation for violating United Nations arms embargoes in Libya and Sudan, was founded by former Russian police officer Guerman Goutorov, and now makes armored vehicles from its “12 state-of-the-art production facilities and 25 offices worldwide.”

This week at IDEX 2021 (which I assume is like Comic-Con for aspiring warlords), Seagal is helping them unveil “four new armored vehicles, including the country’s first electric tracked vehicle, called STORM.”

Mostly, that seems to mean standing by a big truck looking drowsy. Wearing his trademark scarves and a black military shirt big enough to tent a house, Seagal told UAE’s National News: “I’m interested in weapons, military history, tanks, and armored cars and I’d heard about Streit, I was very impressed. [These] armored vehicles are probably the best in the world.”

Doesn’t he sound like Trump? Steven Seagal was doing Trump-speak way before Trump.

The National News asked what sparked Seagal’s interest in armored trucks, which is a hilarious question, and also lead to a classic Seagal response — delivered in a style I like to call “petulant sphynx”: “Why do people like purple instead of green? I was always interested in that since I was a child.”

Of the STORM, Seagal said, “It is gorgeous and does a lot of great things. It goes on water, goes on land – it is armored and bomb-proof. That thing is amazing. If I could have any one of those vehicles, I’d have that one.”

Steven Seagal once ran over a man’s house in a tank while investigating a cockfighting ring so that checks out.

The irony of Steven Seagal is that he famously used to brag about weird things like knowing the truth behind Iran-Contra and the death of Brandon Lee, heavily insinuating that he was some kind of spook. Which was almost certainly bullshit at the time, but now, solely through his own vanity (say what you will about the man, he enjoys being flattered by Vladimir Putin), he runs in the kinds of circles real spies could only dream of.

Steven Seagal: Actor, author, martial artist, guitarist, kimono enthusiast, allegedly prolific sexual assaulter, and now: booth babe for stateless arms manufacturers. He is, for better or worse, the real-life world’s most interesting man. Stay thirsty, my friends.