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The Guide To Tobias Fünke’s Many Career Fails On ‘Arrested Development’

Tobias Fünke has had more jobs and aliases than there are Game of Thrones characters and yet, at his core, he is still very much himself. As the most educated and yet comically inarticulate character on Arrested Development, Tobias fails to excel as an actor and isn’t exactly the best psychology professional out there. Then again, calling yourself an “analrapist” does carry a rather negative connotation with it. Here’s a celebration of the man with a million job titles, because for all his many failings, Tobias makes us all look a little bit better when we’re on the job, and his endless quest makes us all resist the urge to career-surf.

Analrapist

Really. Tobias combined the clinical bent of a psychoanalyst with the more empathetic qualities of a therapist, melding the two together for the worst word combination known to man. Only “anustart” comes anywhere close to the cringe-worthiness of analrapist.

Theralyst

Worlds collide at Austerity, where Tobias eventually takes a job as a theralyst — a way more innocuous title but one that still kind of sounds like total nonsense. At Austerity, Tobias reconnects with former flame DeBrie while also somehow staging a Fantastic Four musical for the sake of staying with her. Lucille even gets involved, agreeing to play the villain at the Lucille 2-owned facility. Or was it Lucille 1?

Actor

Tobias had a better time serving as a chef studying acting under Carl Weathers or running an entire prison while researching the role of Frightened Inmate #2 (which he eventually loses due to his crippling never nude issues) as offered by Weathers himself. Not a single substantial acting role materializes for Tobias, yet the job is his raison d’etre.

Blue Man (Group)

Tobias’ confusion and then passion for the Blue Man Group is only rewarded with an understudy offer that’s quickly taken by an on-the-lam George Bluth. At least this leads Tobias to yet another career path at Swallows Restaurant.

Busker

Busking is its own kind of art and Tobias’ bizarre love of the Fantastic Four first comes to his detriment when he takes to the streets in costume and is repeatedly sued by Marvel. This is nothing compared to the confusion and comical misunderstanding that ensues when Tobias tries to visit his daughter only to find her house turned into a sting operation and filming location for John Beard’s To Entrap a Local Predator: Orange County Edition: Super Creep. Think To Catch A Predator only with less hot tubs.

Magician’s Assistant

Amazingly, this isn’t Tobias’ and G.O.B’s first business venture together, though the relationship does seem a bit one-sided when G.O.B’s magic act goes haywire and he gets sent to a storage locker. Tobias plays a fairly convincing Centurion #2, and it takes all his acting abilities to keep the possible wedding between G.O.B and Ann going without the groom being there.

Musician

Never one to stick with a singular job title, Tobias combines the shameless shilling of natural brands with a family band composed of himself, Maeby, and Lindsay. Dr. Fünke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution sang about the wonders of Teamocil (it’s got an “i” but not where you’d think) and Zanotab, both incredibly questionable natural supplements whose side effects are a lawsuit waiting to happen.

Entrepreneur

G.O.B and Tobias go into business to form Gobias Industries. What enterprising business plan have the two got? Nothing more than the word “coffee.” Needless to say, Gobias falls flat and George Michael — easily their best source of investing — refused to help fund them.

Waiter

Remember Tobias’ failed bid at joining the Blue Man Group? His avant garde performing dreams are shattered only to be rebuilt at Swallows Restaurant, a Las Vegas establishment that turns pretty kinky come the evening time. There’s certainly a lot of blue’ing to be had, but Tobias works the day shift and thus sees little of the sex club aspects of the establishment, but easily three times the early bird tourist crowd, one imagines.

Author

Given his psychiatric background and keen sense of empathy, it only makes sense that Tobias would pen a self-help book, but soon the gay community champions the book and Tobias decides to turn his masterpiece into a more male-centric read, allowing him the chance to perform — also known as give dramatic readings of — The Man Inside Me.

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