Your Sarcastic Guide To Alleged Plot Holes In ‘The Dark Knight Rises’

One of my biggest pet peeves in movies is dealing with crappy audiences, people who are either too lazy or stupid to figure out stuff that any intelligent person paying attention can figure out.

Even worse are the retroactive whiners, the people who desperately want to tear a movie down because everybody likes it and we all know that what everyone likes can’t be of any real quality.

So, here’s your guide to supposed plot holes from both camps, and why they’re largely a load of crap.

How Did X Know Bruce Wayne Was Batman?

This comes in two flavors: How did Bane know everything about Batman? And how did John Blake figure out Bruce Wayne was Batman?

To address the first: gee, I don’t know, how did the massive terrorist organization led by the antagonist of the first movie know who Bruce Wayne was? They only trained him and burned down his house. Similarly, it’s pretty easy with that information to put together that he’s Batman and that he has to be hiding all those heavy weapons somewhere. I can see this being a problem for people who didn’t see the first movie, but this is something professional film blogs were whining about.

To address the second: it’s not really a huge logical jump that the well-funded vigilante with all these advanced toys would have something to do with the local trillionaire. Blake’s entire speech was about how he saw right through Bruce’s routine about being a rich idiot with no day job, which is really the only thing that keeps people from realizing he’s Batman anyway. A better question is why Bruce didn’t establish that he and Batman are different people, like they did in the comics.

Batman Totally Heals Too Quickly For a Real World Back Injury

So, wait, you were OK with the constantly stoned body-builder, the decades-away fusion reactor, the insane helicopter, the city totally cut off from the rest of America by a terrorist, and the high-level jewel thief in a unitard on the motorcycle with the spinny wheel firing Howitzer shells, but the guy in the Batsuit getting over a broken back in a few months… that’s what bothers you, Captain Scientific Accuracy?