This morning, (in equal parts delight and horror) we watched Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s forced apology video for bringing two dogs into Australia without the express written consent of, I dunno, someone from Men at Work. It was like the infamous Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice interview, except they’re both Sad Ben Affleck. (I guess Boo and Pistol are Lex Luthor?)
The video was the third act in Depp v Australia: Dawn of Big-Gutted Man.
Depp himself poked fun at the drama during a press conference in Venice, Italy, last year where he was asked if he planned to take the dogs for a gondola ride. “No,” he replied. “I killed my dogs and ate them, under direct orders from some kind of, I don’t know, sweaty, big-gutted man from Australia.” (Via)
Australia’s punishment was, all things considered, minor — Heard faced 10 years in prison and a $75,000 fine, but she was given a one-month good behavior bond, which basically means she can’t commit any more crimes in the Land Down Under — so it was up to the Internet to discipline the notorious dog smugglers. To paraphrase famous Australian director George Miller: “What a lovely day… to pretend you’re not being held hostage.”
https://twitter.com/jasonthetin/status/721932855429869568
https://twitter.com/scottsues/status/721936056162000896
https://twitter.com/braddybb/status/721934361931583490
https://twitter.com/MarkDiStef/status/721933049231839234
https://twitter.com/heldavidson/status/721936899238047744
https://twitter.com/bortofdarkness/status/721937630355546113
I believed Amber Heard more in that biosecurity video than in THE DANISH GIRL.
— Guy Lodge (@GuyLodge) April 18, 2016
The Johnny Depp apology feels like a hostage video.
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) April 18, 2016
Has anyone paid the money yet to release Amber Heard and Johnny Depp from their hostage takers?
— Virginia Trioli (@LaTrioli) April 18, 2016
I may be going off early but I'm putting a lazy $100 on Johnny Depp for the Oscar for his role as a hostage negotiator in "War On Terriers"
— Emperor God Whit Goughlam (@leftocentre) April 18, 2016
https://twitter.com/catherinebouris/status/721934501178290176