We saw a few people joking around on Twitter yesterday that Allen Iverson is sort of morphing into the NBA version of Kenny Powers. For our socially inept readers, Powers is the profanity-lacing, jetski-riding, beer-drinking-while-he-drives star from HBO’s popular show, Eastbound & Down. Now with reports linking a team in Puerto Rico with Iverson, the comparison is a perfect fit. In the second season documenting Powers’ on-again, off-again baseball comeback, the most hilarious character on television spent some time creating “highlights” for a pro team in Mexico called the Charros.
So the comparison makes perfect sense (and it’s too funny to think about): two over the hill former stars that you either loved or hated attempting to rekindle the glory years by taking the road less traveled. Iverson wore out his welcome in the NBA by refusing to come off the bench and accept a diminished role. Powers wore out his welcome with pretty much every person in the world outside of Stevie. Both have had their share of highlights over the years, but I’m hoping we haven’t seen the last of Iverson (We are getting us some more Kenny Powers VERY soon).
So what does Iverson need to do to make it back? Here are five Kenny Powers’ moments that he definitely needs to replicate (and these aren’t safe for work by the way):
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5. A Training Video To Make Owners/Scouts Salivate
Why hasn’t Iverson’s team gotten on this already? We all know his talent is still there. It might not be at the level it once was, but a banged-up, older version of the former MVP still needs to be good enough for someone right? Scouts and general managers need only see that Iverson still has what it takes to count $1 bills and beat up lawn gnomes. So my advice: cut a DVD like this with a provocative title (“Allen Iverson Doesn’t Practice Basketball, It Practices Him” would work) and then seal and ship it out in mass quantities to every team/organization in the NBA.
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4. Get On A Radio And Make Your Intentions Known To The World
Inspiring. Iverson need only change a few of the words around – his name for instance, and “professional baseball player” to “professional basketball player” and perhaps the swearing too – and he’d make us all yearn for the Answer to return once again. It doesn’t necessarily have to be on radio, or even in an elementary school somewhere. Iverson could go bigger, and longer too. Hopefully though, he remembers to properly dedicate it – as Kenny did here – to whomever plays the April role in his life. Make it be so epic that the only thing anyone can say by the end is “Where the f— is that dude going? It’s still first period…”